Bullies

Bullies have been around from the beginning of time.  There were bullies when I was a kid, when my mom was a child and I am sure my great grandma could name some bullies she knew as a child.  As an adult I worked with a bully.  Our society has been focusing on bullies and it is now a new politically correct cause.

I do not support bullying in any way, but I do have a problem with the way our society is choosing to handle this problem.  Being bullied is the newest victim craze.  If some child says something mean to another child they are being bullied.  I don't agree with children saying mean things, but it is what kids do, and for that matter it is what adults do too.

I read an email in which suggested that a teacher take a fresh clean white paper, crumple it up, step on it and then straighten it out.  After the teacher straightens out the paper he or she should tell the paper 'sorry'.  The point being when you say mean things and bully children it does damage that can't be repaired no matter what you do you can not make the paper white, smooth and clean like it was before.  It is a good visual for teaching what you say hurts, and can help make a point to a bully, but I don't think it goes far enough. 

I think after crumpling the paper lesson; a teacher should take a teflon pan and try to crumple it and throw it on the wall, step on it etc..  The pan won't break or even need to be told 'sorry'.  That is how the child who is being bullied should become.  If a child is being teased or bullied because they are fat then the parent should talk to the child and be honest.  The child can choose to be fat or lose weight, but it does not make them any less or more in God's eyes or their parents eyes.  Children need to be taught how to accept themselves the way they are and not worry so much about what others say about them.  Having  teflon kids will stop bullying a lot sooner than any other politically correct solutions out there.

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.  Proverbs 26:4

When A Golfball is Married to an Egg

My husband and I were in a car accident a few years ago.  The insurance company of the man who rear ended us was not being cooperative so we went to see a a lawyer.  The lawyer was explaining to us why some people get injured in an accident and others don't.  He said you can have the exact accident and have different results; if you were a golfball in the accident you wouldn't get much damage, but if you were an egg you could get really hurt.

In life I tend to be the golfball and my husband the egg.  By me saying this I am only talking physically.  My husband has much more inner strength than I ever could.  As a golfball, I have had to be in the waiting room a lot and also have had to be an advocate for my egg.  I have some tips for you if you are a golf ball married to or taking care of an egg.

• If your loved one in in the hospital, plan on being their main care giver.  Aunt Judy clued me in on this one.  The nurses are busy and take care of the basics, but they can not give your loved one the care you can.
• Make friends with the nurses.  They will be more likely to give your loved one a bit better care.
• Tell the nurses of any concerns you have.  A Dr. tried putting my husband on a medication I was concerned about.  I told the nurse of my concern and why.  She made sure she told the Dr., and my husband was taken off of the medication.
• Tell everyone who is caring for your egg, your eggs allergies and past history.  I have found that the Dr.'s often need to be reminded.  My egg has an allergy to a pain medication, he had a big red wristband that said he was allergic to this medication and when the Dr. came to see him before his surgery I mentioned it to the Dr..  The Dr. ended up asking for another prescrip pad because he had to change my husbands pain prescription. 
• Keep a list of all of your eggs medications in your billfold.  When we were in our car accident I was able to give the EMT's my egg's medications, social security number and his past history.  It was very helpful.  Aunt Judy suggested I do this too.

These are just a few helpful hints if your egg is ever in need of medical care.  Of course the most important is prayer for your egg.  I think my egg is still here because of the prayers and love of many, and the love and care of One.

Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my shepherd.

Where should we park?

My husband had shoulder surgery today.  He has been in pain since the first of the year and finally had to give in and get surgery.  The Dr. found out that he had a small tear in his bicep, and that is probably what was causing all of the pain. 

My husband has had many surgeries and many health issues.  Every surgery he has always causes me and I am sure him anxiety.  Even 'minor' outpatient surgery causes me anxiety.  When they ask questions about his health I am reminded again of all of his health issues.

Today when I went back to see him before his surgery, the nurse mentioned some concerns about his health before his surgery.  They took some extra blood for some blood tests and gave him an ekg.  Everything turned out fine, but it added a bit more to my anxiety. 

My thoughts were about my husband and his surgery, but I noticed that there was quite a bit of talking from the nurses and other patients about an accident that happened in the parking lot.  A 71 year old woman had lost control of her car.  She ended up totaling 2 cars, damaging a pick up truck and taking out 2 transformers.  Fortunately no one was injured, except for the woman driving and it was non life threatening.  I did not think much about it at first, but then I started to put some things together about our morning.

I drove my husband to his surgery.  I decided to talk a bit of a longer route because I don't like turning left without a stop light on our busy street.  Once we got close to the surgical place we discussed where I should park.  I thought I would park in the parking garage because that is where my husband usually parks.  My husband insisted that I not park in the parking garage and he wanted me to park in the hospital parking lot.  I thought it was different for him, but I parked where he said to park.  We got a great spot, close to the surgical place.  A little thank you to God for that.

The 71 year old woman who had the big accident, had it in the parking lot and garage that I was planning on going to.  If I would have taken a shorter route and went to that parking garage we would have been in the middle of that mess.

Here my anxiety was over my husbands surgery and God graciously protected us from a big accident.  I am no theologian, but it did remind me of God's sovereignty, love and protection.  He does take care of every little detail, even where we should park.

Psalm 16:5 Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. 

Being Still

In the past months I have really felt like God has told me to be still.  I must admit that it was not something I wanted to hear, and it is not easy to comply with.  When I first felt God telling me to be still I thought it would only be for a few days.  I was wrong.  God's timing is never the same as mine.  Then I started testing the boundaries and again the answer was still the same, be still.

Let me clarify, being still does not mean that I sit at home and do nothing, it means that I need to cease working and fretting about a certain circumstance in my life.  God wants me to be still about it. 

Here are some things I have learned about being still:

• It is not easy.
• It is all about faith.
• In Exodus God told Moses to be still right before He parted the Red Sea.
• Being still also means having to face myself and coming to repentance.
• Being still is a spiritual battle.  Satan loves to make you start wandering off the path God has clearly set forth for you.
• It is acceptance of my circumstances and actually strengthening of my faith.
• Once I have come to terms with being still it is actually peaceful.

There is a difference between waiting and being still.  Either one is not fun or easy, but both I am sure are worth the wait..

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."  Exodus 14:14

Lesson Learned From Three Good Friends

I have had the privelge of teaching school agers this week.  To be honest it is not my favorite place to teach, but today was a good day.  Prayer helps a lot and God does answer prayers.  I specifically prayed today for a good, fun day with my friends and I asked for His extreme wisdom.  God answered that prayer today.

The school agers love to play foos ball.  They usually play well on their own. I have the rule that they can play it as long as they don't fight.  They usually argue a bit here and there, which is normal, but they should not get me involved.  I learned with our two children that I do NOT want to be a referee nor should I be put in that position.

Today I was approached by 3 boys and asked to resolve a dispute they had over a foos ball game.  These three boys have been friends for years.  Two of them grew up in the center I work in; starting in the two year old room and they are now in the second grade.  The other boy became part of their friendship over 3 years ago.  They are well behaved boys, but they are boys and they are competitive. 

When they came up to me and wanted me to resolve their dispute, my first thoughts were 'I really don't want to hear this'.  As they were passionately setting forth their case I finally stopped them.  I was about to remind them of my rule, but then a wise thought came to my mind (obviously not from me).  I looked at the three of them and I said "Which is more important, the foos ball game or your friendship?"  They looked at me and then at each other and they all three said their friendship and walked away.  They went off and played with legos.  They were happy, and there was no question in their minds about what was more important.

As an adult sometimes I need to be reminded of this too.  Sometimes I get too concerned about being right, or doing something the right way and miss the big picture of what truly is important.

Proverbs 17:14  Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Sex Before Marriage??

I was listening to Chuck Swindoll today.  He was talking about sex and what a gift it is in marriage.  Sex is designed by God and to be enjoyed by married people.  It goes beyond just the physical and practical it goes to the emotional and spiritual. 

Today's society says that sex is just the physical and is a natural need.  You deserve to have sex and if you are not married, but are committed then it is fine.  You can try each other out and see if you are compatable.  If you use a condom you will be safe from diseases, unwanted pregnancy and if it doesn't work out you will be fine.  Not true!!

Today's Christian society is not much different. Many Christians say 'God loves us and we accepted Christ so we are forgiven' or 'God knows I have this need and I am sure he understands'.  There is the 'we are going to get married anyway, so why wait?' reasoning that often comes in after a young couple has been dating for a long time and they may even be engaged.

The truth is premaritial sex is not God's design and there is a reason for it.  Some of the consequences of premaritial sex are: sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and relationship troubles.

Sexually transmitted diseases are just plain nasty.  Some of them never go away.  If you get an std from one person and then break up with him or her and marry someone else, the person you marry is going to have to deal with that disease also.  Some of them can cause problems with pregnancies or can even make you infertile. 

If you get pregnant before you are married it affects your marriage.  Women often wonder if their husband really loves them or if they married them because they got pregnant.  It is a thought that never goes away.  The husband will often feel guilty about the pregnancy or feel betrayed and deceived. 

Chuck Swindoll said one thing he noticed about marriages where there was premaritial sex is that the husband always becomes passive.  He said he has yet to see a marriage where this does not happen when there is premaritial sex.

His comments made me think about the butterfly.  When a butterfly is coming out of its cocoon it has to struggle to get out.  It is a long hard process.  It is hard, but it has a purpose.  The struggle that the butterfly has in the cocoon has more of a purpose than just getting the butterfly out.  While the butterfly is struggling it is actually pushing fluid to its wings so that they will be strong.  If the butterfly does not have that struggle it will not get the fluid to its wings properly and it will be weak and possibly die.

Consider the dating and engagement period a time of necessary struggle against some of those temptations.  If you wait and do it God's way the fluid will go to your wings and it is a good strong start to your marriage.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

Biggest Fan

Who is one of your biggest fans???  You don't have to be famous to answer this question.  Your biggest fan is that person or people in your life who always think the best of you and are always cheering you on when life gets tough. 

My Mom is one of my biggest fans.  She always thinks the best of me and wants things to go my way.  When I am sick she sympathizes with me.  When something exciting or good happens to me she is just as excited for me as I am.  When I have been dealt a bum hand or been treated unjustly she is upset and tells me that she is still behind me, and she is upset with the person or people who have disappointed me.

My husband is a 'fan'.  He wants whats best for me.  He takes me to urgent care on a Saturday and waits patiently for me (3 hours later).  He prays for me.  He has the same interests for me as I do.

I have some friends who are wonderful 'fans' too.  They cheer for me when things get tough, laugh when I laugh and give me a shoulder to cry on when things are not going my way.  I can be real with these friends because I know they are in my corner and want whats best for me.

My kids are grown; both now and when they were younger they are some of my 'fans'.  When they were younger they showed it by always needing my attention.  'Look Mom' was a constant when they were younger.  If I was upset they would show their concern with a hug and a reassuring word.  Now that they are grown they pray for me and their Dad as we do for them. 

I have a friend who is a preschool teacher for 2 year olds.  One of her 'students' did not take his nap.  The teacher was hurt by what someone said to her and she cried.  The student went over to her and gave her a hug and said in his 2 year old voice "it's ok".  As a teacher your students are also one of your biggest 'fans' too.

I also am other peoples 'fan'.  I am a fan of my husband, Mom, friends, kids, co-workers and church friends.

There are some rules for being a 'fan'.  One of the rules is to communicate with the people whom you are 'fans'.  You need to spend time with them, pray for them and follow up on how they are doing.  Their concerns (not all of them) should be your concerns.

Life is a journey and not always easy.  I hope your life is filled with 'fans' and I hope you are 'fans' of many people.

Proveerbs 17:17  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Henry

The first time I saw Henry was when I was walking my dog in our mobile home park.  Henry was talking to someone who was leaving and I heard him smile and say "every day is a wonderful day as long as Jesus is in your life."  I was hoping that I would get to meet him some day.  He just seemed to shine and I thought there must be a good story behind his 'shine'.

I eventually got to meet Henry.  Through a series of different conversations I found out some of the story.  Henry is about 5'7", thin build, white hair and beautiful light blue eyes that just shine.  When you watch Henry you can tell he walks with a little limp and the left side of his mouth is down turned, he looks like someone who has had a stroke, but has recovered very well.  Henry has had more than 1 stroke, he has had 11 strokes. 

The first stroke Henry had he was around 50 years old.  It was so massive that the Dr.'s said if he survived he would be a vegetable.  Henry had a good job, lovely wife of over 30 years and had built his own house before his first stroke.  He was estranged from his mother when he was younger and never really had a good relationship with her, before his first stroke.

After his first stroke he ended up being in the hospital for over 100 days.  His wife divorced him, but his mother took care of him.  Henry has told me more than once that he never thanked Jesus when he had built his house with his own hands; but after his stroke he was sitting at a table trying to eat, and he saw a 30 year old man who could not even lift his head off his pillow.  From that point on Henry started thanking Jesus for everything.  He says he was full of pride before his stroke, but now he is thankful for everything.

Henry also shared with me that he had suffered from 'grandma seizures' after his stroke.  He explained a 'grandma seizure' affects the whole body and it only stops after you pass out from the pain.  He said he had 2-3 seizures a week.  One night he just felt different.  He did not have a seizure for over 6 months.  He decided to go off his medications (19 pills a day), and his Dr. quit treating him because he went off his meds.

He said he would go through it all again because Jesus means so much to him now.  He said his wife left him, his friends left him, only his mother and Jesus stayed by his side.  He gives all of the glory to Jesus.

Now Henry takes care of his mom.  He feels like it is the right thing to do.  He goes to the gym 3 times a week, works on his truck and drives to a house he has in Arkansas for the summer.  He keeps busy, but he is never too busy to give thanks and glory to Jesus.

Job 23:10 "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

For Granted

I have been married to the same man for almost 30 years (July).  I love him dearly and he amazes me often and irritates me too.  In the last few weeks I have noticed that I take him for granted more than I should. 

I have a few friends who are going through some trials in their marriage.  Their husbands have been making devastating choices.  Choices in which Biblically these friends can divorce for.  They love their husbands and really want to protect their marriage, but it may be too late. 

Last week I went to coffee with these two ladies and listened to them.  Their hearts are broken not only about losing their husband, but also losing their marriage.  As I was listening to them it really reminded me that I should never and I mean NEVER take my marriage for granted.  It is a blessed institution that Satan would love nothing better to do than break it up. 

When I got home, I thanked God for my marriage and my husband.  Then I prayed for our marriage and my husband. 

Don't take your marriage for granted.  NEVER believe the lie that you have a strong marriage and divorce or the possiblility of divorce will never happen to you. 

Hebrews 13:4  Marriage is honorable among all.

Integrity

I am a HGTV junkie.  When I want to relax and just let my mind go, I like to have HGTV on and play games on my computer.  Today I needed some download time, so I did my normal turn on HGTV and play my computer games.

I watched a show called Selling My First Place.  It featured a couple in the Arlington Virginia area that wanted to sell their condo.  They had bought their 2 bedroom condo for $340,000 in 2006 at the height of the real estate market.  Since then they had one child and have another child on the way.  They wanted to sell their place and buy a home with a back yard and another bedroom.  They have been living off of the husbands salary and saving the wifes salary, because they knew they were going to take a hit when they sold their house. 

At the beginning of the show the couple discussed trying to sell their condo for $300,000.  As the show progressed they talked to their real estate agent and he explained how much condo's were selling in their area and he suggested they start at $295,000.  If they did that it would take all of their savings, but they figured  they could swing it.  After having their house on the market for over 3 months and having their realator tell them that a condo just like theirs sold for $250,000; the couple decided to take their condo off of the market. They ended up paying off their second mortgage and refinanced their condo with the thought of renting it for the new refinanced payment.

During the show the wife said a few times to the husband that they could short sell their home or maybe have it forclosed.  The husband said each time "No! That is why the market is in the mess it is in."  He refused to give in to the easy solution or an easy way out and chose instead to take the way of integrity.  It cost him and his wife $70,000 which they will probably never see again.  I think the cost was high, but the integrity he showed to his wife and children is priceless.  He is a man of his word, no matter what the cost.

Proverbs 21:3  To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrafice.

Rejection

No one likes to feel rejected.  It is actually one of the things that I have a hard time with.  I don't enjoy failure, but I have learned that if I fail and gave it my all that it is better than not trying at all.  There is an old saying that says "He who has never failed has done nothing."  Rejection on the other hand is something I have a hard time with.

I even like to beat people to the punch when it comes to rejection, either cut off the relationship or quit the job etc.. 

Tuesday I had the privelege of subbing for the 3-5 year old class.  The afternoon teacher was sick, so I subbed for her.  I always expect the kids to misbehave a bit with me, because I am a sub and they are used to their regular teacher and schedule. 

I know most of the children at the preschool I sub at.  I have had most of them at one time or another either being their teacher or subbing.  On Tuesday there was a 4 year old little boy whom I have had off and on in the past few years.  When he was 2 everyone knew his name, and it was because he constantly needed correcting.  He really does have a huge heart, but he wants all of your attention.  As he has grown his behavior has improved immensely.  Yes he still has his days and has to be reminded, but in general he can be fun in the classroom.

Tuesday this little boy gave me lots of trouble.  The best word to describe his behavior was he was being a little terror.  He did things in which I had not seen in a long time from him.  I ended up having to physically set him down and put my leg on him so he would not tear up the classroom and hurt himself or others.  After he settled down I finally asked him what was wrong.  I told him I was sad and did not know why he was acting this way.  He looked at me and told me that he missed his regualr teacher.  When he told me that I was able to understand and piece everything together. 

The little boy has always had a special bond to the afternoon teacher and normally that would not affect him in such a way, but his Daddy just left his Mommy, and I think the thought of being rejected by a teacher too was too much for him.  I explained that the teacher was sick and that she still loves him very much, that I was just there that day until she could come back.

As an adult I do not deal with rejection very well, and I think it is even harder for a child to deal with it.  Sometimes we just don't see things the same way as a child does.

Mark 10:14  "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

Everyone Needs A Mom

I went out to Starbuck's today with a friend.  She is 28 years old and from Iowa.  She gave me a wonderful compliment, she said I was her Arizona Mom.  She is about the same age as my children, her mom is in Iowa and we have a lot in common.  As I was driving home from Starbuck's I realized that I have an Arizona Mom too.

I think most women need to have a 'Mom' in their life even if their mother is out of the picture either through death, or location.  A woman who can talk about things that they have been there and done that or who can be in your corner cheering you on. 

No one can replace your own mother, nor should any woman try, but often times in your life you need an older woman to guide, encourage and comfort you as you go through life. 

I had a few women that filled that role even though I lived close to my mom most of my life.  Aunt Judy helped fill the holes that my mom did not notice was there.  It was nice to tell Aunt Judy things that I did not feel comfortable sharing with my Mom. The more people who are in your corner with encouragement, wisdom and unconditional love the better your life will be.

I stated that women needed other women to fill that role, but my husband had an adopted family too.  When we were dating and first married this family welcomed me as a much as they did my husband.  My husband's parents lived in Arizona and he lived in Iowa so he also had Iowa parents. We were always at his adopted family's house and celebrations.

Yes your family is important, but it is nice to know that God will often provide that Arizona Mom or Iowa family to help you along life's way.

Titus 2:4  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.

Punishment versus Discipline

I have started reading the book The Search For Significance by Robert S. McGee.  It is a book about who you are in Christ.  The book talks about how our relationship with God is influenced by our childhood and our relationship with our parents.  Obviously parents are human, sinners and make bad decisions so no one comes out of childhood without some scratches and scars. 

My Aunt Judy and Dr. James Dobson both influenced me upon this as our children were growing up, especially when it came to discipline.  Discipline is different than punishment.  Discipline teaches, punishment makes you pay. 

Robert S McGee has a table of the difference:

                                                              Punishment                    Discipline
Source:                                                  God's wrath                   God's love
Purpose                                                 To avenge a wrong        To correct a wrong
Relational Result                                 Alienation                       Reconciliation
Personal Result                                    Guilt                               A Righteous Lifestyle
Directed Toward                                   Non believers                His Children

So when your child does something wrong are you going to punish or discipline your child??  God always has our best interests and our relationship with Him in mind when He disciplines us.  Some things to keep in mind when disciplining your child:

Am I discipling or punishing?
Am I just mad because my child embarassed me?
Is this a childish thing or defiance?
How can I teach my child from this incident?
Is my relationship with my child being strengthened by my actions?

Hebrews 12:11  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Stinking, Lousy Jeep

A little over a year ago I was the joyful new owner of a 1995 Jeep.  My husband owned one previously and it got totalled as the result of an accident.  With the insurance money from my husbands jeep we bought mine.  I did not buy it lightly, I prayed about it first.  I asked God to give me the perfect Jeep He wanted me to have.  We looked for the right Jeep and then we saw it online.  I knew it was the right Jeep, I prayed more and then my husband bid on it on ebay and before I knew it I was the proud owner of my green Jeep.

I should have known something was wrong with it when we were getting ready to drive it home and I could not get in the door, the handle on the passenger side did not work.  The salesman quickly fixed it and off we went to take it home.  I thanked God for my Jeep.

I took my Jeep in and had it looked over by a mechanic and they found some leakage from the axle.  It cost about $400, but it is a 95 Jeep with almost 100,000 miles on it.  Then in October the transmission went out on the Jeep, but it is a 95 Jeep with almost 100,000 miles on it.  Then came the door handles on the Jeep.  The door handles on the passenger side and the drivers side of my Jeep were broke at the same time.  So for a week, in order for me to get into my Jeep I had to open the back, climb over to the passenger side and manually open the door (I took the side panel off so I could open the latch manually), then I had to climb out the back and close it, then get in the passenger side and climb over to the drivers side. 

When both door handles were broken, I had it.  I prayed to God.  I said to God, but I prayed about this Jeep, I thought this was the Jeep you wanted me to have.  Then I felt that small still voice say, "maybe it is the Jeep I want you to have."  I laughed to myself.  My idea of perfect is far different than God's idea of perfect.  God saw a Jeep that needs work and brings problems about that will make me rely more on Him.  My husband may not like God's choice, but I am sure God is using the Jeep for him too.

So if you are disappointed in something that you prayed about and felt like it was the right choice such as a job, house, relationship and even a child and can't understand why it is not working out the way you thought it would.  Maybe it is God's perfect choice to perfect you 'in Him'.

James 1:2-4  Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Jonah

It does not take a rocket scientist or an economics wizard to see that our nation is heading toward destruction.  It is only a matter of time; we are borrowing more than we take in, our governments solution is to print more money and spend our way out of debt.  When it became pretty obvious where our country was heading, there was an awakening of a sleeping giant, and normally mild mannered citizens who lived their lives quietly decided to get up and protest and say "NO MORE".  The government and all of the powers that be basically ignored what the people were saying.  Then the elections of 2010 happened and the Republicans got the house majority and got rid of a lot of high spending democrats in the senate.  Many states elected fiscally responsible Governor's who are willing to do what it takes to get their states out of debt and balance the budgets.  The press has been trying its hardest to deceive the American public, but in the end they are even admitting that we are in trouble.  It really is scary.

There are many people in the government who feel like they were called by God to serve and stand in the gap for such a time is this.  I believe God did call them to be where they are, but I don't think they are the solution.  I don't think the Tea Party is the solution.  I don't think Rush, Glenn or Sean are the solution either.  I think the solution is found in Jonah.

Jonah 3:4-10 On the first day, Jonah started into the city.  He proclaimed:  "Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned."  The Ninevites believed God.  They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.  When the news reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, took off his royal robes, covered himself with sackcloth and sat down in the dust.  Then he issued a proclamation in Nineveh:  "By the decree of the king and his nobles:  Do not let any man or beast, herd or flock, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink.  But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth.  Let everyone call urgently on God.  Let them give up their evil ways and their violence.  Who knows?  God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish."  When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened.

Our countries answer does not start at the top, it starts with you.  Revivial starts with me coming to terms with my pride and looking more at what the world wants than what God wants.  After me, then it comes to my family, and after my family comes church, and after church comes my neighborhood, and after my neighborhood comes my city, and after my city comes my state, and after my state comes my country.  If you say you love your country and want to do whatever it takes to bring it back to where it should be, look in the mirror, because it starts with you.  Are you willing to humble yourself and repent to save our nation??

I think our nation is worth it.  I think God thinks so too.

Jonah 4:10-11 But the Lord said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow.  It sprang up overnight and died overnight.  But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well.  Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

When Your Husband Gets Home

When our kids were young, our neighbor across the street commented to me that he thought it was nice that I sat outside with the kids and waited for my husband to get home.  I honestly did not think much about it.  When the weather was nice I would sit on the back porch with our dog and the kids would be playing.  We lived on a corner lot and our driveway was situated as such that in order for us to have a completely fenced in back yard we had to open a gate to the drive way.  In general; weather good or bad I would try to listen and look for my husband and run out and open the gate for him. 

I was listening to David Jeremiah today and he was talking about how it is important for a man to feel welcomed when he gets home from work.  I am sure my neighbor across the street knew how important it was for my husband to feel welcomed to his home and that is why he made the comment. 

I tried to make him feel welcome by doing a few simple things.  I would make sure the house was picked up, and depending on his work schedule have dinner started or at least planned, the kids all taken care of and save the 'problems' of the day for later conversation if possible.  Aunt Judy used to say, "take care of the disciplining of the children before your husband gets home, he should not have to deal with that after working all day."  She of course was right.  Very seldom did my husband hear about the 'bad' things the kids did during the day, because I took care of it before he got home.  Only for very severe offenses was he brought into it. 

Now my husband has a torn rotator cuff, and he is in pain when he gets home.  I usually say hi and give him a kiss; after that he usually gets a Coke, takes some pain medicine and goes in his study to play on his computer.  I am not offended by it because I know it is how he deals with the pain.  He eventually comes out of his cave, I mean study in a few hours and then we talk.  Me giving him his space is welcoming to him.

I remember my Grandma always welcoming my Grandpa when he got home.  She gave him a kiss and then my Grandpa would sit down in the kitchen and take off his boots.  She often times would have dinner on the table.  It is a wonderful memory.  I hope I gave our kids the same memory of their mom welcoming their Dad when he got home from a long day at work. 

Welcoming your husband home from work is an easy, effective way to show him and your children, that you love and respect him.  It also sets up the tone for the evening.  Save your disagreements or issues for later in the evening.

Proverbs 31:11  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

Be Still

Exodus 14:14 'The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.'  That verse is stated right before Moses holds out his staff and the Red Sea parts.  Realize that before God parts the Red Sea he has the Israelites boxed in with the Egyptians chasing after them and no where to go but through the flooded Red Sea.  What does God have Moses do??  He tells him to stop crying out and hold out his staff.  It does not make much sense, but then faith usually does not make sense.  There is usually oppostion, complaining by others and crying out by the person who is choosing to walk by faith. 

This week in my devotions God has been really laying upon my heart to 'be still'.  It sounds easier than it is to do.  I have had some opposition at home and I have been doing some crying out, but the message this week has been clear 'you need only to be still.'  Waiting is not an easy thing to do; being still goes against every fleshly, practical part of me. 

I noticed one thing about being still, and that is to be still and have my eyes on God it is peaceful; the opposite is also true.  My worry gland went crazy when I was not being still and focusing on God.  I listened to Chuck Swindoll who was talking about the trials of Christians and going through 1 Peter; I knew something bad was going to happen.  I heard about the two airmen being killed in Germany and texted my son in England and asked if he was ok.  I could go on but it is quite embarassing and sinful. 

Sometimes when God has us go to battle he wants to use us to fight, and other times He wants us to be still and watch Him fight the battles.  The main thing is to find out His battle plan.

Endure Versus Survive Part II

When I wrote about survive versus endure I was not planning on writing a part two, but when I was doing my devotions something popped out in which I needed to add to the whole endure versus survive issue.  Mark 12:26-27 "Now about the dead rising--have you not read in the book of Moses, in the account of the bush, how God said to him, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'?  He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.  You are badly mistaken!" When Jesus went to raise Lazarus he spoke to Martha in John 11:25-26 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"

So as a Christian who believes that God sent Jesus to die and pay the penalty for my sins, the only perfect man who walked the earth, 100% man and 100% God who completed the task that was set before him and died on the cross for me.  When Jesus died on the cross it was not just the end, but the beginning because he was buried 3 days and then he rose again.  He is alive, he did not survive the cross, he endured the cross because he is the God of the living.

I endure trials and suffering, I do not survive because I serve the God of the living.  That is exciting.

Survive Versus Enduring

I have some extra time on my hands so I decided to start going to the parks writers club.  My first meeting will be Friday.  I asked my neighbor across the street about the writer's club and in the course of the conversation she told me the topic this week is to write about something I survived.  Nothing came to my mind.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really have no story about survival.  Then I decided to look up verses in the Bible that have the word survive in it.  None came to mind so I looked in my study Bible's concordance and I could not find the word survive.  I got online and checked Strong's concordance and the word survive was not in there either.  I decided to look up the word survive in the dictionary and the definition that I thought best fit was; to endure or live through.  There are several verses in the Bible about enduring, to endure and endured.  So I looked up endure in the dictionary and the best definition I found was; to hold out against; sustain without impairment or yielding; undergo. 

I think it is interesting that as a Christian we don't survive our circumstances, but the best word is that we endure.  We are sustained without impairment or yielding because we have a mighty and faithful God.  It goes beyond just living through and is so much more.  Shadrach, Meshac and Abindigo did not just survive the firery furnace they were sustained without impairment or yielding because their God was in the furnace with them.  When Daniel was in the lions den he did not just merely survive it, he was sustained without impairment or yielding.  When David was being chased around by Saul, who was trying to kill him, David did not just survive it, he was sustained without impairment or yielding.  I think that is exciting.

If you are going through a tough time and are a Christian I hope you are encouraged by the thought that you will not just survive, but you will be sustained without impairment or yielding.  Enduring the trial always brings forth fruit and brings glory to God.

Colossians 1:11  being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Refresher Course

When I first became a Christian our oldest son was a baby and our second child was just a thought.  With all of my heart I wanted to stay home with our son.  When our second child came along we were broke if I went to work and we were broke if I did not, so I chose to stay home.  When our youngest was about 18 months old my husband told me he wanted to go to college.  I was not a very good Christian, and I did not want him to go to college because then I would have to go back to work and not be able to stay home with our children (which I thought was very important),  I did the smart thing and I prayed, the prayer I am sure was a very selfish prayer, but God knew my heart.

When we looked at our finances and found a cheap and nice place to live (thank you Sandy) I ended up being able to stay at home with our children.  God provided the impossible and that was for me to stay home with our children and my husband to go to college full-time and for him to work a part time job.  This was back in the '80's when they did not have online classes and working adult colleges like they do now.

During the process of all of this I made some mistakes, and I also learned that God always provides.  When my husband first was getting everything ready to go back to school I decided I would get a job as a waitress.  I had been a waitress in high school and thought if I worked a few nights a week and weekends I would be able to stay at home with our children and my husband could watch them while I was at work.  I call my waitress job my Ishmael.  Just like Sara having Abraham go with Hagar, instead of waiting, I took the situation in my own hands, and it was a disaster.  I did not like my job, I did not like the manager and I really was not a good witness.  My husband ended up calling my manager and telling him that I quit (long story).  After I was no longer employed an opportunity arrived for me to work and stay at home.

My Aunt Judy called me and she was working at a factory that sub contracted out wire harnesses to be built.  I would get paid for each wire harness I built and I was to build them at home.  It was a perfect job for me and my family.  My Aunt Judy would call me when there was a wire harness job available, I would load up the kids and drive out to the factory and pick up the job.  As soon as I finished the job I would load up the kids, the finished product and take it back to the factory.  When I took the finished job back I would get a check.  I did not have to wait a week, I would just have to wait for someone to sign the check.  God used this job and this time in my life to really teach me about his provision.  I would often times pray, Lord we need diapers and milk; then I would get a phone call from Aunt Judy and she would have a job that would pay enough for diapers, milk and a little extra. 

God is always faithful even when I am not.  My husband and I have been hit with a lot of extra bills and a lot less paycheck lately.  I really tried not to fret, but I must admit I did a bit anyway.  I prayed.  On Thursday night I was listening on the radio and Pastor MacDonald was talking about being content with what we had.  I listened and decided that I needed to change my attitude from worry to focusing on the good and the opportunities God laid before me.  I woke up Friday morning at peace with a good attitude. At about noon on Friday my husband forwarded me an email from his boss, and the email was about a 2010 bonus he would be getting on Monday.  When I read it I cried.  God provided, just as He always has, but I just needed a refresher course.

Psalm 68:10  and from your bounty, O God, you provided for the poor.

Lesson Learned From A Two Year Old

I had the privelege of being in the 2 year old room for a few hours this week.  It is always fun and exhausting; to put it mildly, you never know what will happen.  For those of you who have never had the privelege of teaching in a 2 year old room, I will explain some of the basic rules.  The ratio of 2 year old children to teacher is; 1 teacher to 8 children.  All of the toys in the room are the teachers toys and she lets her friends (the 2 year olds) play with her toys.  Because all of the toys are the teachers toys it gives the teacher the authority over the toys.  The main goal of the classroom sometimes is to make sure the 2 year olds don't kill each other.  Because most 2 year olds are not potty trained you have to change a lot of diapers.
Now that you have a basic understanding of the 2 year old class, I would like to share a lesson I learned from a 2 year old.  I was changing a diaper.  When changing a diaper I make sure I can keep my eyes on the other children.  I noticed one child (we shall call him C) threw a plastic apple accross the room (that is against the rules).  As the apple went flying accross the room another child (we shall call him D) was playing nicely at the table with a car.  D saw the plastic apple go flying accross the room and got up to get the apple and take it back to C.  As D got up to get the apple, C noticed the car on the table and grabbed it and was on his way to go play with the car D had.  D came back and saw that C had the car.  D was mad and he took the apple and had it in a throwing position that was aimed at C.  When I saw this I asked D to give me the apple and I would get his car back for him.  D heard me (I said it several times).  D slowly put down the apple and then he got a look on his face and handed the apple to C, and C gave D the car.  I was impressed.

What is the lesson I learned??  Just as in a 2 year old room God owns everything (because it is really His), and when we have something that we value (such as the car D had) and we do what is right (such as going to get the apple) and then someone takes what we value (such as C took the car) we do not have the right to serve our own justice (such as D throwing the apple at C) we need to trust God will make it right (such as letting me get the car back) or do it His way (which is to give C a chance to give back the car and D giving the apple to C).

I hope this story is not too confusing, but it is a lesson I learned from a 2 year old and I wanted to share it.  Also Stacey is an awesome 2 year old teacher, she has a true gift.

Proverbs 5:21 For a man's ways arre in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths.

Your Child's Way

On my way home today I was listening to Chuck Swindoll and he was talking about the Bible verse 'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.'  Proverbs 22:6.  Many people claim that verse for their wayward child.  Chuck explained it a bit differently than most people claim it.  I must do this disclaimor and that is I did not hear the whole sermon, but he did say that most people claim this verse without understanding its true meaning.

The part I am going to focus on is 'in the way he should go'.  Chuck explained this part as understanding your child's gifts and talents and teach them how to use them.  He said that each child God has given you has unique talents and gifts and your job as a parent is to teach your child in the way they should go in those gifts and talents.  As a parent you need observe your children and truly see them as a gift from God. See how He has created your children and teach them to use those gifts and talents for God's glory. 

If your child sees themselves through the eyes of how God created them it will in the end help them to develop a strong relationship with Him.  It will help them to have a healthy self esteem and help them to become who God made them to be.  When I say a healthy self esteem I mean to understand that they are God's creation and to give glory where it belongs and that is not in themselves, but in who their creator is.

If you as a parent focus on what your child is not it will bring anger and rebellion, but if you focus on who God made your child to be it will bring a healthy view for your child to see who God made them to be.  This does not mean that if your child does not do good in math that you don't teach them basic math so they can balance a check book.  It means you focus on the positive gifts and talents and teach your child how to deal with the things that do not come naturally.

I have a cousin whose son was extremely intelligent.  He would read encyclopedias for fun.  She let him pursue his acedemics wholeheartedly, but she also made him sign up for one sport.  He signed up for baseball.  He did not make first string, but he did enjoy baseball and it did help round him out.  Did she focus on baseball??  No, it was something she felt he needed to do to round out his personality.  She did not take away from his gifts and talents, but she did help round off some of the rough edges and help him with physical and social skills.

As a parent observe and find your child's way.  Rejoice in your child's way and give glory where it belongs and that is to God.  If you do this with each child it will give them a healthy self esteem and a love for God and others in the way God created them.

Proverbs 22:6  "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day.  For Valentine's Day this year I wrote a poem for my husband.  I came up with the idea to write this poem for two reasons.  The first reason is my husband made a comment in passing that I would be better off with another man.  It was a comment that stuck with me and made me think that I must not be doing my job as his wife if he thinks that.  The second reason is what I heard on a radio program.  The radio program I was listening to was 'Intentional Living' with Dr. Randy Carlson.  He was talking about marriages and a woman called up telling him that her husband is not spiritual, but she is.  She went on to say they did not have much in common.  Dr. Randy Carlson then told her to look at what they do have in common, she could not think of anything and then he started naming some things; children, mortgage, marriage, name etc.. 

The poem I wrote for him was 'You're the Only Man For Me'.  In the poem I listed the things that he alone has shared with me.  So on Valentine's Day, celebrate love, but more than that celebrate the history you have with the only man for you.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Sins of Our Parents

I had an interesting conversation today with a young mother.  She was having several personal issues and she was complaining that she was not getting the support of her Mom.  I met this woman about six months ago and she was saying the same thing; that she did not have the support she needed or wanted from her mother.  I was honest with her and I told her she probably will never get that support.  I think she knew I was telling the truth. 

My purpose in visiting this young single mother was she visited church and then she left before the service was over.  I was concerned for her and her children and wanted her to know that she was welcome at church and that we were there for her if she wanted.  I don't know if she will accept our help or not, that is her choice, but there are several people including me that would like to help her if she wants it.

As a parent I know I am not perfect and I am not always available.  When I was raising our sons I knew I needed help and wisdom.  My mom was not always the best resource, but that was when I turned to my Aunt Judy.  My Aunt Judy was able to fill in the spaces that my mom could not fill.  Sometimes your mom is not available or even interested in helping you, but if you look and ask I am sure that there is a mature woman who has raised her children that would love to help you, give you advice and just be there to listen.

My daughter-in-law lost her mom a little over a year ago; I am sure she misses her every day.  When God blesses her with children I am sure she will miss her mom even more. I know that she is already building relationships with women at her church who are parents, so she will have the relationships she will need when she wants the advice, help or just someone to listen (I also hope she looks to her mother-in-law). 

Your mom may not always be there, look and pray for some other women to help, listen and give advice.  You don't have to tackle the mom thing on your own.

As a side note I know a lot of older godly women who would love to come along side young mothers, they just need to be asked. 

Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent int he way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Jimbo

I stayed up late one night this last week and was watching a TV show called 'Intervention'.  The show is about addicts that are confronted by their families to stop their addictions and get the help they need.  The addict is usually unaware that an intervention is about to happen.  The family tells the addict the truth about how their addiction is hurting more people than just the addict and is often very emotional.  It is used to shock the addict into getting the help that they need.

One of the stories was about a young man named Jimbo.  He was addicted to prescription drugs.  He would take several more pills than were prescribed and mix them.  He said it was the only thing that made him feel good.  My thoughts while I was watching this were "Why?".  As the show progressed it took a look back into Jimbo's childhood.  Jimbo had an awesome mom, she was very involved in her children's lives and Jimbo loved her dearly.  Then one day his mom got caught having an affair with Jimbo's Dad's best friend.  When the dust had settled his mom moved out to live with the best friend and Dad was devastated.  Jimbo spent most of his time comforting and taking care of his Dad.

Less than a year after Jimbo's mom left she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  She died within months.  Jimbo's comment when talking about his mom was he was better off having her dead.  After she died Jimbo went on with his life and got married, bought a house had a good job.  He ended up getting an injury playing basketball and was on prescription pain killers and that was the start of his addiction.  His sister said he told her that when he took the prescription drugs it was the first time he felt good.

Jimbo ended up losing his job, house and wife.  He lives with his Dad and step mom.  He even got hit by a train and lost a leg, and he still wants his prescription drugs. 

I did not watch the end of the program, my heart was broken.  I wonder if his mom would have known what her actions did to her son, if she would have done it to begin with.  I am not just blaming the mom, Jimbo chose to not forgive her, and I am sure his Dad fed into his unforgiveness.  All the same her simple little selfish choices set in motion devastated lives.  Makes one think doesn't it??

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Peer Pressure

I was fortunate and blessed enough to home school our sons until they were in middle school.  Home schooling is not for everyone, but I definitely felt the call to do it.  I tell people who are thinking about home schooling that if you do it through 4th grade it is great and anything beyond that is icing on the cake.  The reason I say that is I think when you home school you give your child a definite sense of who they are and a strong sense of family and it seems to be established by the time they are in 5th grade. 

What does home schooling have to do with peer pressure???  I think children who are home schooled are less likely to give in to the wrong type of peer pressure because they have a strong sense of who they are and their family.  Instead of being followers they become leaders because they know who they are.  Also if a parent takes the time, energy and effort to home school their children, they are going to be involved in that childs life and activities to guide them to the best decisions.

Can only home schooled children with stand negative peer pressure??  No, it is not just home schooled children.  I think if a child has a loving and strong family life then they will be less likely to give in to negative peer pressure.  In order to have a loving and strong family life parents have to invest time, energy and effort into their children and their family life.  Parents who are involved in their children's lives are telling their child that they (the children) are important and that gives the child a strong sense of self worth. 

There is a difference between being involved and being a 'hover mother'.  Being involved means you are there at the soccer games to encourage your child, a 'hover mother' not only goes to the soccer game, but tries to tell the coach what to do and demands that her child be put in the game.  Being involved means sometimes watching your child fail, but being their to help them pick up the pieces; a 'hover mother' will not allow her child to fail. 

By being an involved parent, having a strong family and giving your child a strong Biblical self worth can give your child the tools they need to resist negative peer pressure.

Proverbs 14:22 Do not those who plot evil go astray?  But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.

Learning How to Deal With It

I have been subbing at the Preschool I work at for a few weeks.  The class I have been subbing in has kept me on my toes, it is 4-5 year olds.  In this class are a few children that have health and learning issues that need to be addressed.

If a child has a learning disability, asthma, diabetes or ADD that child needs to learn more about it and in the end learn more about themselves.  As a parent if you child has symptoms you need to do your research and find out if your child does have something that needs to be addressed.  Many parents don't want to believe that something could be 'wrong' with their child.  By not addressing the issue and denying it the parent is not empowering themselves and their child.  The more the parent learns and addresses the issues the more they can empower their child how to live and deal with it. 

I have some Tae Kwon Do students young and older who have asthma.  I instruct them to listen to their bodies.  I will try to push them, but in the end they are the only ones who know how far is too far to go with their breathing.  At the preschool I will sometimes stop a child with asthma and tell them to take a break when their breathing gets too labored.  I tell the child to listen to their body and when their breathing gets like this they just need to take a break.  Just because your child has asthma does not mean they can not run and play, but they need to be taught to listen to their body and know when to take a break.

If your child is ADD or ADHD you may need to keep them on a tight schedule, watch what they eat and stay in close contact with their teacher.  Explain to your child what and why you do these things and empower your child to learn to succeed.

My cousin's youngest son (in his 20's) has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.  His dad had it and his dad died from consequences of it.  As soon as her son noticed symptoms of bi-polar he went and got help.  The whole family is open about it and he is learning coping skills to live with this disease.  He and his family are learning about the disease and what they can do to help him to live a 'normal' life.  They chose to deal with it and to help him deal with it too.

Having a child that has 'special needs' hurts, because you don't want anything to be wrong with your child.  By accepting the fact that there is something wrong with your child can empower you and your child how to 'deal with it'.  You will be teaching your child to be an overcomer and not a victim, that is a powerful gift to give your child.

Proverbs 14:1  The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Repentance

There is nothing better in life than having a clear conscience.  We all sin, we all make mistkes either intentionally or unintentionally.  We can not take back the sin or mistakes, but God does provide a way out and that is confession and repentance. 

One thing I have noticed is kids tend to lie when they get caught or about to get caught doing something wrong.  I can't say it is just kids who lie, adults are just as guilty of it.  Just read the Bible, there are plenty of examples of Bible hero's who have sinned and lied to try to protect themselves.  With all of that in mind, I think it is very important to teach your child at a young age confession, repentance and forgiveness. 

God does not make you wonder what the rules are, He has made them very clear; as a parent you need to make sure your child knows the rules and the consequences of the rules.  If my kids did something wrong, and the rules were not clear I explained the rules to them.  Sometimes my kids would pull the "but you never told me", if that happened I gave them the benefit of the doubt then I would look them in the eyes and tell them the rules and make them repeat the rules (they did not like it when I did that).

After the rules are established and your child messes up it is your duty to confront your child.  You need to enforce the consequences.  Don't let your child argue, they need to do what you say.  After the consequences have been enforced talk to your child about what happened.  Ask your child why they got "consequences", if they try to argue or say "I don't know" make them sit and not play etc. until they can tell you why.  After they tell you what they did you need to talk to them about their behavior and give them alternatives; example if your child pushed their sibling, talk to them about what they could of done instead of pushing their sibling.  After you talk to your child give them a hug and tell them you love them and send them on their way.

Don't fall into the trap of the blame game.  God wants us to be responsible and do the right thing even if others are doing wrong.  If your child tries to blame someone else you need to stop it right away.  Your child is responsible for their behavior no matter what someone else did, and they need to learn it at a young age.

There were some days when our children got many spankings.  Often times after I spanked them they were up and running around happy as can be.  They did not have anger, guilt or low self esteem they had a clear conscience because they confessed, repented and were forgiven.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

A Place

I am reading 1 Chronicles.  It can be tiresome in some parts because it lists all of these names and duties that David assigned people when he was king.  It got me thinking about how God is a God of order and how it applies to adults and children.

Having an assigned duty makes you feel like you are a part of something or a group.  Your child needs to feel like a part of the family and should have assigned duties.  The assigned duties change as your child grows.

When your child is very young, their assigned duties would be to pick up their toys, get themselves dressed, brush their teeth and clean their room. In general when they are young their first duties are to take care of themselves.  As they get older their duties would go from personal responsibility to something that involves the family as a group.  The assigned duty could be setting the table, clearing the dishes off of the table, helping bring in groceries etc
. 
Sometimes it is easier to do it yourself, but it isn't about your convenience, it is about teaching your child responsibility and having your child feel and be a part of the family.  After you teach your child their assigned duties it will make your life easier and give your child a sense of accomplishment and belonging.

When your child gets older you can teach them to do the dishes, take out the trash, sort the laundry etc..  When your child becomes a teenager you still need to have an assigned duty for your child; but if your child is going to school, working and doing extra curricullar activities, you may need to lessen their assigned duties.  Aunt Judy told me I should not make our teenagers chores something in which would cause turmoil and make me nag them.  So I thought and prayed about it and came to the conclusion the best chore I could get them to do is their own laundry.  I showed them how to do their laundry and then I told them what days I did my laundry and the rest was up to them.  This was nice because I did not have to nag them and if they did not do their own laundry, they were the ones that got punished for it.

When I was a teenager my mom had me cook dinner and she did the dishes.  She hated cooking and I hated doing the dishes.  It worked out great for both of us.  Make sure your child's assigned duty is something your child will like to do and do it well.  It will make it easier on both of you.

God is a God of order.  God thought that his people should have a place of belonging and assigned duties; maybe you should for your child too.

Proverbs 18:9  One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.

Child Safety Empowerment

When I was teaching Tiny Tigers (preschool Tae Kwon Do) one of my instructors had two daughters in Tiny Tigers and we had talked about stranger danger.  She told me her daughters saw a stranger walking down the street and the girls came running to her scared.  The stranger did not talk to the girls or threaten them in any way.  The talk we had, made them aware and scared.  I did not want scare the children, so I started thinking and praying and realized that I needed to get the information to the children and empower them, not scare them.

The thought of empowering children has snowballed and I use it when I teach Sunday school, preschool and of course Tae Kwon Do.  There are several things a parent can do to empower their children.

A great way to empower your child is to inform them.  You can talk to your child about what they should do if someone wants to look at or touch their private parts.  Explain to your child that it is ok to tell an adult 'no' if the adult wants to do something wrong.  Have them practice with you by role playing.  Tell your child that you want to know if anyone ever tries to see or touch their private parts. Your child needs to know that they will not get in trouble if they do tell you. 

Your child's voice may save their life some day.  When I taught Tiny Tigers I always had the kids practice yelling.  There is a difference between yelling and screaming.  Yelling comes from the diaphragm and screaming comes from the throat and hurts.  Just like you can train your muscles by working out, so can you train your childs voice.  Your child can kick and bite and punch, but in the end it will be more likely they will get saved by using their voice and the right words. I think the best word to use is 'Stranger!'.  As an adult if I saw a child kicking and screaming I would think it was an unruly child; if I heard a child yell 'Stranger!' I would be following the child with my cell phone in hand and start investigating.

Teach your child who a stranger is.  Your neighbor may be an acquaintance which equals a stranger.  Your child may not understand that just because you say 'hi' to your neighbor does not mean that they are not a stranger.  Your need to let your child know that they can not go to someones house unless you say it is ok.  Explain to your child that God has put you in charge of keeping them safe, so they need to check with you first.  Sometimes 'stranger' has fuzzy lines and you need to let your child know who is a stranger and who is safe.

Empower your child by teaching them the best choice of stranger to use if they need help.  It does happen sometimes that a child may need help from a stranger.  Don't make your child afraid of strangers, empower them to make the right choices.  From the best choice on down; Mom with children, grandma, worker, someone in a uniform.  These may surprise you, but they really are the best choices.  Most predators are males, so you want to give your child the choice of strangers that eliminate males. 

A mom with children is a very safe choice.  The motherly instinct will kick in and the mom will more than likely make sure your child is safe.  A grandma is usually just an older mom and the same motherly instincts would kick in.  If someone is working they are less likely to be a predator, so they would be a safe choice.  The last good choice is someone in uniform.  Someone in uniform could be the UPS man or a police officer.  I have nothing against a child going to a police officer but there are a few things to think about; a child and even some adults can not tell the difference between a security guard and a police officer and it is unlikely a police officer will be near by when your child needs help.  Security guards do not have the best reputation; Ted Bundy and Son of Sam were both security guards, and sometimes predators want to be security guards because children will trust them because they are wearing a uniform.

Practice those four choices with your children and make sure they know to go to the best choice first.  I used to quiz the Tiny Tigers, if they needed the help of a stranger and saw a mom with children and someone in uniform, who should they go to??  The mom with children is the correct answer.

The last point of empowerment for this blog is; teach your child their phone number, address and your name (not mom).  A four year old should be able to learn those 3 things.  If something ever happens, your child has all of the information they need to get in contact with you.

Deuteronomy 11:19  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home an when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Child Safety

As a parent I always felt like keeping our children safe was one of my main jobs.  When they were little I would make sure nothing dangerous was in their reach.  As they got older I would teach them to look both ways before crossing the street, don't talk to strangers and was often heard telling them "Be careful!!".  After our sons were grown I realized I missed a major part of keeping them safe.  I did not teach them about child predators.  Fortunately nothing 'bad' happened to our sons when they were growning up.  When I started teaching Tiny Tigers (a preschool tae kwo do class) I did a lot of research on the subject and it really opened my eyes.  I am going to share some of what I learned.

First of all trust your instincts.  My Aunt Judy told me that.  Gavin DeBecker who is an expert in predicting when violence will occur (the psychology of it) agrees with my Aunt Judy.  My Aunt Judy told me that there was a youth Pastor at her brother-in-laws church that all of the kids liked, but my Aunt Judy did not like him.  He wanted her son to go on an overnight trip with some of the other youth and my Aunt Judy said no.  Later it was discovered that he was sexually abusing some of the boys.  Aunt Judy trusted her instincts and you need to trust your instincts too.

The second thing and just as important is summed up in three words; communication, communication and communication.  You need to be able to talk to your children and they should be able to talk to you about anything.  Listen to what they say and ask questions in a non provoking or panicky way.  If a child is being sexually abused they usually feel bad or guilty and the person who sexually abused the child usually threatens them or scares them in some way.  You need to be open and honest when your children ask questions about their bodies, your body or about where babies come from (how detailed depends on the age and the situation).

Listening to your child's fears is very important.  Why don't they like to go to Uncle Harry's house??  Why will they hug everyone except your neighbor.  If your child does not want to hug or kiss someone do not force them; give them the right to say no.  If your child does not want to hug or kiss grandma and grandpa teach them to say no, but still have manners. 

One of my Tiny Tiger's instructors daughter went to a friends house overnight.  She was about 8 years old.  The brother of the little girl she spent the night with made her lift up her shirt.  When the daughter got home she was talking to her mom and her mom was listening to her and she heard what her daughter said..  The mom asked more questions (not in a panicky way) and then she called the parents of the boy.  The parents did nothing, but the little girl was allowed to come over to the daughters house, but she was not allowed to go to the little girls house.  Listening is very important.

This is going to be more than one blog because there is too much information to share for just one blog.  Those 3 things are a good start; listen to your instincts, communication and listening to your child.  They all sound very basic, but they are extremely important in your child's safety.

Proverbs 28:4  Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law resist them.

Too Much, Too Little, Just Right

I am a Sunday school teacher, Tae Kwon Do instructor and a substitute preschool teacher and one thing I have observed is that  many parents have a hard time teaching commitment to their children.  Why do parents have a hard time teaching commitment to their children???  I think it is because parents were not taught commitment themselves.  When I say commitment I mean commitment to activities.

As a Sunday school teacher out of probably 11 children there are only about 4 who are there faithfully every Sunday.  Why are the other 7 children not there???  Granted people get sick or have to work or something comes up, but more often than not it is because Mom and Dad did not feel like going to church on Sunday.  It could also be one of those if there is nothing better to do we can go to church.  When our kids were little we went to church because it was Sunday.  It is called discipline and commitment.  I did not feel like getting the kids ready on Sunday, but I did it anyway because it was the right thing to do.  Just as a side note, my husband did not go to church.

I used to teach Tiny Tigers which was a preschool Tae Kwon Do class.  Often times parents would bring their kids to class, but be concerned because their child did not want to come.  I would explain to the parents once the child gets to class they will have fun and be happy they came.  I would explain to the kids and parents sometimes I did not feel like coming, but once I got there I was happy I did.  My old Tae Kwon Do instructor used to say, "The hardest exercise in Tae Kwon Do is getting up off the couch and making it to class.  Once you are at class it is all down hill from there."  There is a lot of truth to that.

The flip side to lack of commitment is over commitment.  I had a friend who had 3 sons and they were in every sport available.  Her life was chaotic and she was always stressed.  We had a rule at our house, Tae Kwon Do and one other sport.  Our kids basically just picked Tae Kwon Do and did not choose any other activities.  When your kids commit to an activity, you commit to it too.  Count the cost and time and sometimes you have to say no or give your child an alternative.  If your child is over committed then they will be stressed, not enjoy the activity and won't have the success that could have if they were not over committed. 

My Aunt Judy told me that if our kids sign up for an activity they have to complete the activity.  I agree with this philosophy.  If you sign your child up for soccer and they don't like it after a few weeks, make them understand that they made a commitment and have to finish the season.  Sometimes they end up liking it later on and just needed to stick with it.  If they did not like the activity and still had to finish it, it teaches them about commitment and makes them good citizens. 

It takes commitment by the people coaching and teaching your children.  If you do not keep up your commitment it is hard on the volunteers, coaches and teachers that are using their valuable time and resources to make a positive impact on your children.  If you think something is lacking with the activity your child is in, think about volunteering.  Maybe you can be a key in helping your child succeed.

Teaching your children to commit starts with you learning to commit.  Why are we going to soccer??  We are going to soccer because it is Tuesday and we made a commitment.  Why are we going to church??? Because it is Sunday and that is what we do on Sunday. 

Our kids ended up earning a lot of AWANA's awards, 4th degree black belts and were often respected by young and old alike.  They learned at a young age that commitment and hard work have their rewards.  Could they have earned awards, black belts and respect if they were not taught commitment and hard work??

Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

Reading

One of the greatest joys I had as a mother was reading to our children.  I have to credit Aunt Judy for this great joy.  When our children were young Aunt Judy asked me if I was reading to them and I said a little, but they did not seem to like it.  She explained to me that when I 'read' to the children I don't have to read the words that the author used, I could just point to the pictures and talk about it.  When she told me that it opened a whole new world to me and our children.

It was a little difficult for me to be begin with but the more I 'read' the better I got at it.  I started using my imagination along with our children as I read them books.  When they were very young I would sometimes read the words, but add actions to it as I read; an example would be if the story had a blue flower picture I would read the words, but then we would all smell the blue flower.  By me adding my imagination to the books I read it kept our children's interest and gave us precious quality time.

As they grew my reading style would change.  When they were getting old enough to recognize letters I would point out words and often times I would read exactly what the author wrote so they would begin to get the connection to start reading.

When they were old enough to read on their own I made sure they had a Bible comic book.  I wanted them to see Bible characters as hero's and it also broke it down to their language.  Comic's was again my Aunt Judy's idea.  I felt blessed to get the Bible comic book.

I would also read to the kids when they ate their lunch.  Sometimes kids just can not sit long enough to read to, so if they are occupied eating it can give you an opportunity to read to them.  They are still 'wiggling' by eating, but you have their attention enough to get a story or two down them.

We would go to the library once a week.  I would let the kids pick out some books, and I would get some books that I wanted to read.  I even read books on reading books to your children.  One of the rules of finding a good children's book to read is that it should be a book that keeps your interest too.  Just because a book has won an award or is highly recommended by the world's standards does not mean that it is a good book to read your children.  Use your discretion and don't feel bad about it.

As our children grew I would read chapter books to them  I read our children The Narnia Chronicles, The Hobbit and Little House on the Prairie series.  I would also read to them directly from the Bible.  I would often say I am only going to read one chapter, but then one chapter became 2 and 3 chapters. 

Reading to our children was a true blessed experience for all of us.  It was just us, a book and our imagination.  Unplugged quality time to learn and enjoy each other.

Proverbs 10:5  He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.