I was talking to my Aunt Judy this weekend (she stopped by for a visit). She was telling me about a mutual friend who was going through a tough time financially. Her family ended up losing their house and they are not living in circumstances they would like to be in. Aunt Judy was saying that she thought the whole situation was affecting the children. I agreed with her. Things like losing a home, a job, a loved one or a marriage do affect the children and it does bring added stress to them.
Children do not know how to deal with the stress and emotions they feel. Often times it comes out with behavioral issues or living in their own little world. Life is stressful and eventually some of that stress will affect your child.
I don't think many parents realize that their child's stress is often a reaction to the parents stress and the not knowing what is going to happen next. If handled in a prayerful and intentional way a parent can help their child deal with the stress and react in a more positive manner. The parent needs to sell it to the child.
I will give an example. When our children were young we sold our house and ended up living in a less than inviting apartment. I did not see any roaches, but I was always on the look out for them. I did not like the apartment, but I sold it to the kids. I took them to the park every morning (not even a playground at this place) got to know some of my neighbors and cooked on the dinky apartment sized stove. Our kids did not know that I was not thrilled with the place we lived, I made a strong effort to make lemonade out of the lemons we were living in.
Much worse things than living in a less than desirable apartment can affect families, but keep in mind that your reaction to your circumstances affects your children and then sell it to yourself so you can sell it to your children. Your children and you will have a much better chance of overcoming the circumstances if you have this mind set.
Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked. Proverbs 3:25
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Joy
I got to go to church service on Sunday. Often times I am helping with the children's ministry. It was wonderful to sing and clap my hands and worship God with fellow believers. The joy of the Lord is my strength. It brightened up my day and started off the week on a good note.
When our kids were little I used to turn up the radio loud and dance and sing with them. I used to pick them up and dance and twirl them around. There was never a particular reason why I did it, I was just enjoying them and sharing a precious gift with them and that is the gift of joy.
Children grow up quicker than you would believe. As a parent you often spend a lot of your time teaching and correcting them. In your teaching remember to teach them about joy. Joy no matter what the circumstances and joy for no reason at all. There is always time to share the joy of the Lord.
When your children are grown and gone (remember that is your goal) you can look back on those times you shared joy with them and smile. I don't know if Ryan and Dennis remember those times, but I do. I miss them sometimes and the memories of us sharing the joy of the Lord bring a smile to my face and some satisfaction to my heart.
Psalm 81:1 Sing for joy to God our strength
When our kids were little I used to turn up the radio loud and dance and sing with them. I used to pick them up and dance and twirl them around. There was never a particular reason why I did it, I was just enjoying them and sharing a precious gift with them and that is the gift of joy.
Children grow up quicker than you would believe. As a parent you often spend a lot of your time teaching and correcting them. In your teaching remember to teach them about joy. Joy no matter what the circumstances and joy for no reason at all. There is always time to share the joy of the Lord.
When your children are grown and gone (remember that is your goal) you can look back on those times you shared joy with them and smile. I don't know if Ryan and Dennis remember those times, but I do. I miss them sometimes and the memories of us sharing the joy of the Lord bring a smile to my face and some satisfaction to my heart.
Psalm 81:1 Sing for joy to God our strength
Friday, October 15, 2010
Life is not fair!!!
When our kids were young I was talking to my Aunt Judy about something and I told her that it was not fair for my child. She told me "Life is not fair and your kids need to learn it before they go to kindergarten."
We have all been on the bad end of "life is not fair" and it is something in which we need to teach our children at a young age. When the "life's not fair" situation occurs to your child, use it as a learning tool and teach them not to whine and cry and play the victim card, but instead teach them to overcome the temporary circumstance. Learning at a young age that it is not the circumstances, but the reaction to the circumstances that makes the difference. Train and equip your child to be an overcomer and a winner, not a victim and a whiner.
In order to train your child you have to learn this lesson yourself and keep your wits about you when you do see your child going through a "life's not fair" moment. It is a very hard thing to watch your child get overlooked for an award you know they earned and deserved, but someone else (who happens to be related to the judge) gets it. Instead of getting mad and upset use it as a teachable moment and don't dwell on how they were slighted. Your child and your family will be the better for it.
When the "life's not fair" moment happens read Psalm 37, it will give you the wisdom and approach to teach your child that God sees and knows and in the end that is all that matters.
Psalm 37:8-9 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret---it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
We have all been on the bad end of "life is not fair" and it is something in which we need to teach our children at a young age. When the "life's not fair" situation occurs to your child, use it as a learning tool and teach them not to whine and cry and play the victim card, but instead teach them to overcome the temporary circumstance. Learning at a young age that it is not the circumstances, but the reaction to the circumstances that makes the difference. Train and equip your child to be an overcomer and a winner, not a victim and a whiner.
In order to train your child you have to learn this lesson yourself and keep your wits about you when you do see your child going through a "life's not fair" moment. It is a very hard thing to watch your child get overlooked for an award you know they earned and deserved, but someone else (who happens to be related to the judge) gets it. Instead of getting mad and upset use it as a teachable moment and don't dwell on how they were slighted. Your child and your family will be the better for it.
When the "life's not fair" moment happens read Psalm 37, it will give you the wisdom and approach to teach your child that God sees and knows and in the end that is all that matters.
Psalm 37:8-9 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret---it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Yours and Mine
When our children were young I was talking to my Aunt Judy telling her that I was having a friend over for lunch. My Aunt Judy said, "Your not going to have your children talking and being a part of your lunch are you?" I thought that was a weird and rude question. I was thinking Aunt Judy must be thinking like the dark ages, but I knew Aunt Judy better, so I asked "Why?" She promptly explained that my friend was coming to have lunch with me and not our kids. She was right again.
Aunt Judy went on to explain that I do not follow my kids around and bother them while they have their friends over. She said our children need to learn that there are boundaries, and some things are theirs, but also some things are mine. She asked if I would like to go visit a friend and have her children interrupt our conversation and demand me and my friends time. Again Aunt Judy was right on the mark.
When my friend came over our children said hi to her and went off and played and left us to our conversation. I fed our kids before she came over and if the kids needed something I did address what was needed, but they did not monopolize our conversation or time. It was a very nice and refreshing lunch.
My lunch went beyond just that day and made me realize I did need to set some boundaries as to what things were mine. Things in which our children learned that were mine and not theirs: my food, my drink, our bed, my purse, our bedroom and even my chair. Me having my own things and them having some of their own things did not make our children feel neglected, I think it gave them boundaries and respect for other peoples property.
Proverbs 25:6-7 Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence, and do not claim a place among great men; it is better for him to say to you, "come up here." than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.
Aunt Judy went on to explain that I do not follow my kids around and bother them while they have their friends over. She said our children need to learn that there are boundaries, and some things are theirs, but also some things are mine. She asked if I would like to go visit a friend and have her children interrupt our conversation and demand me and my friends time. Again Aunt Judy was right on the mark.
When my friend came over our children said hi to her and went off and played and left us to our conversation. I fed our kids before she came over and if the kids needed something I did address what was needed, but they did not monopolize our conversation or time. It was a very nice and refreshing lunch.
My lunch went beyond just that day and made me realize I did need to set some boundaries as to what things were mine. Things in which our children learned that were mine and not theirs: my food, my drink, our bed, my purse, our bedroom and even my chair. Me having my own things and them having some of their own things did not make our children feel neglected, I think it gave them boundaries and respect for other peoples property.
Proverbs 25:6-7 Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence, and do not claim a place among great men; it is better for him to say to you, "come up here." than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Duck who climbs trees, squirrel who swims
I was talking to my Aunt Judy the other day and we were talking about looking at your child's gifts and talents and encouraging them in their talents and gifts. My Aunt Judy said, "It is like expecting your child who is a duck to climb a tree, or your child who is a squirrel to swim."
I have met some mom's who want their duck to climb trees and their squirrel to swim. Your child is specially designed by God and your job as a parent is to find out what he or she is designed for and encourage your child to be the best of what God designed them to be. Not every child does well in school, that does not mean your child is a failure. Thomas Edison dropped out of school and was considered a failure and we all know how that story ended.
By identifying your child's gifts and talents and encouraging them will give them the tools they need to succeed in life. Some children are very successful in school and their siblings may not be as successful. You should encourage and support your child in academics, but also encourage the siblings in their particular gifts and talents. If as a family unit you support each other in each talent and gift each individual has been blessed with it will bring family unity and a lot less sibling rivalry.
While encouraging your child in their gifts and talents make sure you do not neglect the basic life skills they need. A duck may not be able to climb a tree, but should be able to fly up in one if there is a fox on the prowl. A squirrel may not live on a lake, but should be able to swim to safety if they fall in a lake. If your child does not do well in math, but has great writing skills; make sure they can manage personal finances and the basics to get through life.
Accept your child along with their gifts and talents. Not every child is going to be extraordinary in the things this world applauds. Ask God to show you the unique gifts and talents He has blessed your child with and encourage your child to pursue that talent or gift.
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Proverbs 3:27
I have met some mom's who want their duck to climb trees and their squirrel to swim. Your child is specially designed by God and your job as a parent is to find out what he or she is designed for and encourage your child to be the best of what God designed them to be. Not every child does well in school, that does not mean your child is a failure. Thomas Edison dropped out of school and was considered a failure and we all know how that story ended.
By identifying your child's gifts and talents and encouraging them will give them the tools they need to succeed in life. Some children are very successful in school and their siblings may not be as successful. You should encourage and support your child in academics, but also encourage the siblings in their particular gifts and talents. If as a family unit you support each other in each talent and gift each individual has been blessed with it will bring family unity and a lot less sibling rivalry.
While encouraging your child in their gifts and talents make sure you do not neglect the basic life skills they need. A duck may not be able to climb a tree, but should be able to fly up in one if there is a fox on the prowl. A squirrel may not live on a lake, but should be able to swim to safety if they fall in a lake. If your child does not do well in math, but has great writing skills; make sure they can manage personal finances and the basics to get through life.
Accept your child along with their gifts and talents. Not every child is going to be extraordinary in the things this world applauds. Ask God to show you the unique gifts and talents He has blessed your child with and encourage your child to pursue that talent or gift.
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Proverbs 3:27
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Work yourself out of a job.
When our children were small I told my Aungt Judy "I will miss them when they grow up and leave home." Aunt Judy in all of her wisdom said, "Cindy, God does this wonderful thing he has your child turn 15 and then you want them to leave!!" There is a bit of truth to that statement, Aunt Judy also used to say, "If you do your job right as a parent you work yourself out of a job." That is the statement I am going to focus on in this blog.
When you bring your newborn child home he or she is totally dependent on you. As your newborn turns into a baby, then a toddler you mark each new bit of independence with glee. Your baby is eating baby food, can feed himself or herself, crawling, walking and so on. Each new step of independence is celebrated and lets you know that your child is healthy and everything is ok.
As your child gets older life gets in the way and those important markers aren't noticed and you as a parent drop the ball in training your child for independence. You are so busy that it is easier to make your child's bed than to train your child to make their own bed. It is easier to give them money than it is to listen to them whine that they want money for this or that; instead of making them earn their money and save money for what they want.
As you train your child for independence you also want to train them in dependence on God. You as a parent try to do the best you can, but you will fail at times. You are also human which means you will die some day and if you train your child to look to God (where true security is) you will be preparing them to face life no matter what happens.
Training your child for independence takes time, effort and has to be intentional. It may be easier to do things for yourself than to train your child to do it, but you may be training your child to be dependent on you and that may mean you will have a 40 year old unemployed child living in your house.
I love my children dearly and love to have them visit, but I do not want them to live with us. We are still here for them as a safety net, but we want them to be independent and they want to be independent. Your final goal as a parent is truly to work yourself out of a job.
Proverbs 13:4 "The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied."
When you bring your newborn child home he or she is totally dependent on you. As your newborn turns into a baby, then a toddler you mark each new bit of independence with glee. Your baby is eating baby food, can feed himself or herself, crawling, walking and so on. Each new step of independence is celebrated and lets you know that your child is healthy and everything is ok.
As your child gets older life gets in the way and those important markers aren't noticed and you as a parent drop the ball in training your child for independence. You are so busy that it is easier to make your child's bed than to train your child to make their own bed. It is easier to give them money than it is to listen to them whine that they want money for this or that; instead of making them earn their money and save money for what they want.
As you train your child for independence you also want to train them in dependence on God. You as a parent try to do the best you can, but you will fail at times. You are also human which means you will die some day and if you train your child to look to God (where true security is) you will be preparing them to face life no matter what happens.
Training your child for independence takes time, effort and has to be intentional. It may be easier to do things for yourself than to train your child to do it, but you may be training your child to be dependent on you and that may mean you will have a 40 year old unemployed child living in your house.
I love my children dearly and love to have them visit, but I do not want them to live with us. We are still here for them as a safety net, but we want them to be independent and they want to be independent. Your final goal as a parent is truly to work yourself out of a job.
Proverbs 13:4 "The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied."
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