Dennis asked me to send him some pictures of him when he was growing up. I went through the photo album and picked out some pictures for my husband to send him. When I came to the end of the photo album there was a precious letter I photocopied a long time ago.
My Dad died when I was 6 years old. He was a good Dad, but I don't have that many memories of him. I did not understand his death or really grieve his death until I was 31 years old and my grandpa died. When I went through that process my mom let me look through all of the stuff from his funeral. In the stuff from the funeral I found a few precious letters and I am going to share one of those precious letters.
Dear Sue,
We're so very, very sorry. I realize there's no way to offer comfort, and I won't be so dumb as to tell you I know how you feel because I'm sure I can't even imagine the pain and terrible emptiness you must feel.
I only met Jimmy once and the reason I remember him is the reason I feel I should write to you. I believe I did write to you after I met him, because I wanted you to know that in my opinion he was a pretty exceptional man. I have never before or since met a man who said such nice things about his wife to a complete stranger, (me) when she wasn't even there to be impressed. I hope I did write to you Sue, and I hope you remember it, because I think it might be a small comfort to you to remember that you made him into a very happy husband.
All of the nice, casual, sweet things he said were just easy remarks made in the course of the conversation and they made me feel that he was a very contented man. I'd be very proud if I thought that I could make Jack feel as thoroughly contented.
Jackie was completely stunned when he heard about Jimmy. The only things he remembers about Jimmy are the good things, such as the summer they worked together on the construction crew.
Jack and Marge are awfully concerned about you, as I'm sure everyone back there must be.
Well Sue I wish I could say something wonderful and inspiring, but I'm afraid the best that can be said has already been said by many and I'm sure it was very insufficient. The best we can do is wish you strength and luck which are probably what you'll need the most. Our prayers are with you too.
Love,
My Dad was a State trooper who died suddenly at the age of 32 of a heart attack. Needless to say no one was expecting it. My Dad did have a small life insurance policy which my mom was able to use wisely in raising us 3 kids. I will not get an inheritance from him, but he left me with a heritage that is worth much more than any amount of money could buy. My Mom never did remarry. She said she could never find a man as good as my Dad.
What heritage are you giving your children?
Proverbs 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Winners and Losers
When I was teaching Tiny Tigers (tae kwon do for 4 - 6 year olds) in Iowa I had one little boy who hated to lose. He would get very angry, lie, cheat and cry if he thought he was losing; even in a 'friendly' game of tag. I was talking to my Aunt Judy about it because I just did not know how to deal with him. She told me to tell him to look how happy he made the winners. I again thought my Aunt Judy was crazy, but at the same time it was true. At the next Tiny Tigers class the little boy began to get angry because he was losing; I told him "see you are making the other children happy by letting them win." He looked at me like I was crazy, but I kept up with the theme that he had made someone else happy. He was not happy about losing but it did take the edge off of losing for him and I did not have the behavioral issues with him that I had before.
I do believe in competition. I think it is a great thing all of the way around. I think it brings out the best and the worse in people. I have competed in several tae kwon do tournaments and I have been the winner, loser and judge in many competitions. Having my Aunt Judy's philosophy has helped me to keep the competition in perspective and helped me not to take myself too seriously. The competition is not all about winning or losing; it is about rising to the occasion, the building of relationships, making of memories, and learning how to do it better next time.
Today there is a philosophy that every child should get a trophy for participating and dumbing down winning. Maybe we have that philosophy now a days because some of our parenting skills aren't what they should be. We are afraid to tell our child they lost fearing that it will ruin their self esteem instead of saying hey you tried hard lets see if we work harder and maybe next time you will do better. The other end of it is that winning is everything and the child's self esteem is wrapped up in their trophies. Learning to be a good sport in winning and losing is becoming a lost art, and one worth finding again.
When we were getting ready to move from Des Moines to Phoenix we had to get rid of almost everything. Dennis had won several very large trophies in tae kwon do, but there was no room for them. He took off the plates to the trophies and then he put the trophies out on the curb for the trash. Someone drove by and saw all of the trophies, stopped and asked if they could have them. Dennis said sure; and they loaded them up in their car and drove off. Dennis worked hard to win the trophies, but what he learned competing for those trophies was far more valuable than the plastic and metal that made the trophies. The people who took the trophies had the plastic and metal, but none of the value of the trophies.
So when you lose that promotion, softball game or chess match just remember you made the winner happy.
Proverbs 24:10 If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength.
I do believe in competition. I think it is a great thing all of the way around. I think it brings out the best and the worse in people. I have competed in several tae kwon do tournaments and I have been the winner, loser and judge in many competitions. Having my Aunt Judy's philosophy has helped me to keep the competition in perspective and helped me not to take myself too seriously. The competition is not all about winning or losing; it is about rising to the occasion, the building of relationships, making of memories, and learning how to do it better next time.
Today there is a philosophy that every child should get a trophy for participating and dumbing down winning. Maybe we have that philosophy now a days because some of our parenting skills aren't what they should be. We are afraid to tell our child they lost fearing that it will ruin their self esteem instead of saying hey you tried hard lets see if we work harder and maybe next time you will do better. The other end of it is that winning is everything and the child's self esteem is wrapped up in their trophies. Learning to be a good sport in winning and losing is becoming a lost art, and one worth finding again.
When we were getting ready to move from Des Moines to Phoenix we had to get rid of almost everything. Dennis had won several very large trophies in tae kwon do, but there was no room for them. He took off the plates to the trophies and then he put the trophies out on the curb for the trash. Someone drove by and saw all of the trophies, stopped and asked if they could have them. Dennis said sure; and they loaded them up in their car and drove off. Dennis worked hard to win the trophies, but what he learned competing for those trophies was far more valuable than the plastic and metal that made the trophies. The people who took the trophies had the plastic and metal, but none of the value of the trophies.
So when you lose that promotion, softball game or chess match just remember you made the winner happy.
Proverbs 24:10 If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Church
In today's society church is not emphasized like it used to be. I was brought up thinking that church is a nice thing but not necessary for a Christian. You can still follow Christ and not go to church and listen to or watch tv preachers on tv or the radio. I was brought up the wrong way.
When I first accepted Christ I went to church faithfully and so did our children. Dennis was the baby that the nursery workers used to smile at and dread because he cried the whole time I was at church. I was faithful to come everytime the doors to church were open. I am sure there will be a special crown for the poor nursery workers that held Dennis while he screamed for an hour.
When we moved from Des Moines to Chicago I continued faithfully to be involved with church. We went to AWANA's on Monday's, Wednesday night Bible study and Sunday's we went to Sunday school, morning service and evening service. Our two sons were at church with me when ever the doors were opened. Please realize my husband supported us going to church but has never darkened the door of church except for Christmas programs or AWANA's awards.
When we moved back to Des Moines we were again active in church and then the church changed Pastors and I did not like the new Pastor and I started losing interest in church. Life got busy and our family got involved in Tae Kwon Do. The Tae Kwon Do school we went to was Christian based and in the end we used Tae Kwon Do as a substitute for church. It sounds nice and it looked good on paper but it is not God's plan. Church is for the church not to be replaced by Christian activities.
The results of my wandering away from the church resulted in our 2 sons almost getting involved in a cult. Someone who said he was a Christian had deceived our 2 sons, my husband and almost me. Only by God's grace and devine intervention did our family get out safely. I am sure we all have a few scars, but God has healed those wounds.
Do I like to go to church?? Not particularly, but I go because God says that He wants me to go. I do love my church and I am learning the importance of church in my spiritual growth and ministry.
Sometimes in your Christian walk you need to obey even if your spouse does not, even if it is not convinient, even if there are other things you would rather do, even if you feel awkward. Obedience is our job the results are God's job.
1Samuel 15:22 To obey is better than sacrafice.
When I first accepted Christ I went to church faithfully and so did our children. Dennis was the baby that the nursery workers used to smile at and dread because he cried the whole time I was at church. I was faithful to come everytime the doors to church were open. I am sure there will be a special crown for the poor nursery workers that held Dennis while he screamed for an hour.
When we moved from Des Moines to Chicago I continued faithfully to be involved with church. We went to AWANA's on Monday's, Wednesday night Bible study and Sunday's we went to Sunday school, morning service and evening service. Our two sons were at church with me when ever the doors were opened. Please realize my husband supported us going to church but has never darkened the door of church except for Christmas programs or AWANA's awards.
When we moved back to Des Moines we were again active in church and then the church changed Pastors and I did not like the new Pastor and I started losing interest in church. Life got busy and our family got involved in Tae Kwon Do. The Tae Kwon Do school we went to was Christian based and in the end we used Tae Kwon Do as a substitute for church. It sounds nice and it looked good on paper but it is not God's plan. Church is for the church not to be replaced by Christian activities.
The results of my wandering away from the church resulted in our 2 sons almost getting involved in a cult. Someone who said he was a Christian had deceived our 2 sons, my husband and almost me. Only by God's grace and devine intervention did our family get out safely. I am sure we all have a few scars, but God has healed those wounds.
Do I like to go to church?? Not particularly, but I go because God says that He wants me to go. I do love my church and I am learning the importance of church in my spiritual growth and ministry.
Sometimes in your Christian walk you need to obey even if your spouse does not, even if it is not convinient, even if there are other things you would rather do, even if you feel awkward. Obedience is our job the results are God's job.
1Samuel 15:22 To obey is better than sacrafice.
Prayer
At work this week a mom came in with her two children. Every morning for the past 2 weeks it has been the same routine; her son would be waiting by the door to come in and then slowly but surely mom and daughter would come in a bit later. Mom would make a scowling face and daughter would have tears in her eyes, but still a touch of defiance in her eyes. After mom dropped off both children and was about to leave she made the comment that her and her daughter (5 years old) just don't get along well. I told her she should pray about it. She smiled and said "Yeah I should.". I knew her "Yeah I should" was just an obligatory remark to be nice, but my advice was not meant to obligatory, I really did mean she should bring it before the Lord in prayer.
My Aunt Judy used to tell me that I may not like one of my kids some day. I thought she was crazy, but she wasn't. It is not a matter of not liking your kids it is a matter of having a personality conflict.
The personality conflict did not come between me and one of our children, it was between my husband and Dennis. Dennis was the ripe old age of 3 or 4 years old and he and my husband did not get along. I did not like what I was seeing and I saw the potential for greater conflict as Dennis got older; so I prayed. With in a few weeks the conflicts stopped and my husband and Dennis have gotten along well ever since.
If you are a mother of young children and you see character issues or flaws PRAY about it while they are young, so it will not become an issue when they are older. Don't just pray that the issue will go away, but pray that God will give you the wisdom and show you how to deal with it. Early childhood is the foundation of your child's character development. If you think they are difficult at the age of 2 wait until they are a teenager (Aunt Judy used to say that too). Prayer is the starting point for addressing those issues.
I heard Charles Stanley say pray for your children to grow as Jesus did "in wisdom, stature, in favor with God and men." I used to pray that for our sons. My husband is 5'7" and I am 5'6" both of our sons are over 6'. I feel like the way they have grown both physically and spiritually is because God has blessed us by answering my prayer.
Pray while they are young.
"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 4:16
My Aunt Judy used to tell me that I may not like one of my kids some day. I thought she was crazy, but she wasn't. It is not a matter of not liking your kids it is a matter of having a personality conflict.
The personality conflict did not come between me and one of our children, it was between my husband and Dennis. Dennis was the ripe old age of 3 or 4 years old and he and my husband did not get along. I did not like what I was seeing and I saw the potential for greater conflict as Dennis got older; so I prayed. With in a few weeks the conflicts stopped and my husband and Dennis have gotten along well ever since.
If you are a mother of young children and you see character issues or flaws PRAY about it while they are young, so it will not become an issue when they are older. Don't just pray that the issue will go away, but pray that God will give you the wisdom and show you how to deal with it. Early childhood is the foundation of your child's character development. If you think they are difficult at the age of 2 wait until they are a teenager (Aunt Judy used to say that too). Prayer is the starting point for addressing those issues.
I heard Charles Stanley say pray for your children to grow as Jesus did "in wisdom, stature, in favor with God and men." I used to pray that for our sons. My husband is 5'7" and I am 5'6" both of our sons are over 6'. I feel like the way they have grown both physically and spiritually is because God has blessed us by answering my prayer.
Pray while they are young.
"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 4:16
Monday, August 23, 2010
So you think you want a divorce (part 2)
I am going to address the second thing Aunt Judy used to say concerning divorce and parenting. "The best thing you can give your children is a good marriage." Like I said in the previous blog I have heard Dr. James Dobson say the same thing (Did he get his advice from her too??)
Do not believe for a second the lie and it is a lie; divorce does not affect the children. It does affect the children more than many parents are willing to admit or notice. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; if you are happy your children will be happy. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; the children will feel secure in your love even though you don't love your spouse anymore. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; it will be a friendly divorce and we will put the children first. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; life will be much better and easier once we are divorced.
Lie #1 Divorce does not affect the children. I work in a preschool /daycare and it amazes me to see how divorce affects the children. Age is not a factor; I have seen it affect a 1 year old as much as it does a 2nd grader. A usually well behaved child will all of a sudden have behaviorial issues. The teacher begins to talk to the parents about the behaviorial issues and finds out that Mom and Dad are not living with each other and are getting a divorce. Note the child did not have behaviorial issues even though mom and dad were not happy in their marriage, the issues began when there was separation.
Lie #2 If you are happy your children will be happy. As I alluded to in lie #1 no behaviorial issues when you were miserable and together, behaviorial issues when separated. I have seen many parents who are so absorbed in their new found happiness that they ignore their children. They lose their patience with their children because they are so busy trying to get to their happiness and their children get left behind. Your happiness is not found in your circumstances, it is found in your attitude!!!
Lie #3 Your children will still feel secure in your love for them even if you don't love your spouse anymore. Love is a choice and an action not a feeling. If you are basing your love on feelings for your spouse what do you think your children are going to think about your love for them. You used to love your spouse, but now you don't, why? Does your spouse still love the kids?? One of you is no longer living with your children; no matter how you try to explain it, sugar coat it or make the best of it, your child is going to feel abandoned by one or both of you.
Lie #4 It will be a friendly divorce, and we will put the children first. One of the catch phrases often used now a days is 'moving forward'. After a while you and your ex spouse will move forward. Along with moving forward comes new interests and new relationships. There will come a new boyfriend or girlfriend and that new person will need time, attention and money. You and your ex's plans may have meant to put the children first, but your new relationships may not agree with your plans.
Lie #5 Life will be much better and much easier once we are divorced. That is probably the biggest lie of all. Life is much easier and better for the lawyers, but that is about it. Custody issues, child support, court dates, rules for one house is not the same for the other house. You think you had communication problems before you got divorced wait until after you get divorced!!! There is never enough money no matter how much money you get from child support (if you are lucky enough to have an ex-spouse who is able to pay and pay it on time). You have to miss work because your kids are sick and you have been written up before for missing too much work. It is not your ex-spouses week and he or she has to make enough money to pay the child support. These are just a few of the issues a divorced person gets to deal with. I don't think it sounds easier or better.
The best thing you can give your children is a good marriage. A life for your children where they don't have to decide whose house they are going to go to for Christmas (until they are married and hopefully they will choose your house), where they see and learn that love is not a feeling but a choice and an action. A life where there is money to pay the bills and where mom can stay home with them when they are sick. A life that is secure in the knowledge that two sinful human beings can work together and through life to keep a committment they made a long time ago to each other. That is the best gift you can give your children.
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Do not believe for a second the lie and it is a lie; divorce does not affect the children. It does affect the children more than many parents are willing to admit or notice. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; if you are happy your children will be happy. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; the children will feel secure in your love even though you don't love your spouse anymore. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; it will be a friendly divorce and we will put the children first. Do not believe the lie and it is a lie; life will be much better and easier once we are divorced.
Lie #1 Divorce does not affect the children. I work in a preschool /daycare and it amazes me to see how divorce affects the children. Age is not a factor; I have seen it affect a 1 year old as much as it does a 2nd grader. A usually well behaved child will all of a sudden have behaviorial issues. The teacher begins to talk to the parents about the behaviorial issues and finds out that Mom and Dad are not living with each other and are getting a divorce. Note the child did not have behaviorial issues even though mom and dad were not happy in their marriage, the issues began when there was separation.
Lie #2 If you are happy your children will be happy. As I alluded to in lie #1 no behaviorial issues when you were miserable and together, behaviorial issues when separated. I have seen many parents who are so absorbed in their new found happiness that they ignore their children. They lose their patience with their children because they are so busy trying to get to their happiness and their children get left behind. Your happiness is not found in your circumstances, it is found in your attitude!!!
Lie #3 Your children will still feel secure in your love for them even if you don't love your spouse anymore. Love is a choice and an action not a feeling. If you are basing your love on feelings for your spouse what do you think your children are going to think about your love for them. You used to love your spouse, but now you don't, why? Does your spouse still love the kids?? One of you is no longer living with your children; no matter how you try to explain it, sugar coat it or make the best of it, your child is going to feel abandoned by one or both of you.
Lie #4 It will be a friendly divorce, and we will put the children first. One of the catch phrases often used now a days is 'moving forward'. After a while you and your ex spouse will move forward. Along with moving forward comes new interests and new relationships. There will come a new boyfriend or girlfriend and that new person will need time, attention and money. You and your ex's plans may have meant to put the children first, but your new relationships may not agree with your plans.
Lie #5 Life will be much better and much easier once we are divorced. That is probably the biggest lie of all. Life is much easier and better for the lawyers, but that is about it. Custody issues, child support, court dates, rules for one house is not the same for the other house. You think you had communication problems before you got divorced wait until after you get divorced!!! There is never enough money no matter how much money you get from child support (if you are lucky enough to have an ex-spouse who is able to pay and pay it on time). You have to miss work because your kids are sick and you have been written up before for missing too much work. It is not your ex-spouses week and he or she has to make enough money to pay the child support. These are just a few of the issues a divorced person gets to deal with. I don't think it sounds easier or better.
The best thing you can give your children is a good marriage. A life for your children where they don't have to decide whose house they are going to go to for Christmas (until they are married and hopefully they will choose your house), where they see and learn that love is not a feeling but a choice and an action. A life where there is money to pay the bills and where mom can stay home with them when they are sick. A life that is secure in the knowledge that two sinful human beings can work together and through life to keep a committment they made a long time ago to each other. That is the best gift you can give your children.
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
So you think you want a divorce (part 1)
I was talking to Aunt Judy last night and was telling her about my blog when she said do a blog titled 'So you think you want a divorce'. She was upset because some female family members decided they wanted a divorce. I also knew what she wanted me to say.
Aunt Judy used to say two things concerning the subject of marriage and parenting:
1. You are going to wake up some day and look at your husband and go yuck!! This may last for quite a while, but stick with him and trust me your love feelings will come back some day.
2. The best thing you can give your children is a good marriage. Now I have heard Dr. James Dobson say that too; I wonder if he consulted my Aunt Judy??
I am going to address #1 in this blog and I will address #2 in the next blog.
I did wake up one day and go yuck when I looked at my husband. I am not proud of it, but it did happen. I remembered what Aunt Judy said and I stuck with it. The things that used to endear my husband to me started irritating me. All of the little irritating things he did became big, glaring irritations and to add to it he was taking me for granted!!
Some things that I learned through those times (because it happens more than just once):
1. Marriage has an ebb and flow to it and there are times when you and your husband are distant, but eventually you will come back together.
2. Marriage is a lot about attitude. Just like how what you say is just 7% verbal and 93% non-verbal (body language, vocal inflections etc.) I think the same is true about marriage and attitude. I think about 7% of what happens in your marriage is due to circumstances in your marriage (loss of job, loss of a loved one etc.). I think 93% of the success of your marriage is your attitude. I will give a personal example. My husband does not like to go out a lot; he is a home body. My friends used to say doesn't that bother you that he does not like to go out, I said "no, it is nice to come home and have my husband waiting for me." If I chose (and it is a choice) to focus on the fact that I went to many functions by myself then that would have been an issue in our marriage. I chose to focus on the good.
3. Focus on your husband's good qualities. Yes even when you look at him and go yuck he still does have good qualities. Is he a good provider, does he take out the trash, does he help with the kids, does he mow the lawn, is he faithful???? Do not focus on the fact that you are tired of his fart jokes, the fact that he is always late, he leaves his clothes on the floor even if you have asked him nicely 9 million times. If you focus on his good qualities then it will help some of the yuck go away and start bringing some of the feelings of love back again. Do not bad mouth him to others. Aunt Judy used to say when you are at work even if your marriage is miserable tell everyone your marriage is great. Men like to look for a woman who is in an unhappy marriage.
4. Understand your husband is a man. Men do not think like women. I read a great book called "Sacred Influence" and it explained how men think. I laughed when I read it. God does have a sense of humor. Men process things differently than women do. You may tell your husband something and expect an immediate response, but most men take a good 24 hours to process what you have said. Another example how men do not think the same way women do; I always told people my husband loved and supported me with our 2 sons; he used to tell the boys do what your mom says I want her happy. One day I was telling someone about it in front of him and he looked at me and laughed; he said he only told the boys that because he did not want to have to be bothered and if they made me mad then he would have to get involved. Men do not in any way shape or form think like women!!!!!
5. Do not try to change or control your husband. Bring him before God everyday because he is the head of your household and if he fails some of it falls on your shoulders for not bringing him before God in prayer. Let God be in control of your husband not you. You can influence your husband which is Biblical, but you are not to try to control or change him. If there is a concern that I have with my husband I try to bring it before the Lord in prayer before I address it with my husband.
These are just a few thing to think about before you get a divorce. I will tell you if you stick with it and work through the yucks, the rewards will be great. I love my husband now more than I ever have. We share a unique history that no one else has. We love our children. Going to Ryan's wedding was a great joy for us, one in which we uniquely shared. As we get older and will again become more dependent on each other it will be nice to share it with someone whom I have a shared history and has stuck with me through thick and thin.
Proverbs 31:10-12 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
Aunt Judy used to say two things concerning the subject of marriage and parenting:
1. You are going to wake up some day and look at your husband and go yuck!! This may last for quite a while, but stick with him and trust me your love feelings will come back some day.
2. The best thing you can give your children is a good marriage. Now I have heard Dr. James Dobson say that too; I wonder if he consulted my Aunt Judy??
I am going to address #1 in this blog and I will address #2 in the next blog.
I did wake up one day and go yuck when I looked at my husband. I am not proud of it, but it did happen. I remembered what Aunt Judy said and I stuck with it. The things that used to endear my husband to me started irritating me. All of the little irritating things he did became big, glaring irritations and to add to it he was taking me for granted!!
Some things that I learned through those times (because it happens more than just once):
1. Marriage has an ebb and flow to it and there are times when you and your husband are distant, but eventually you will come back together.
2. Marriage is a lot about attitude. Just like how what you say is just 7% verbal and 93% non-verbal (body language, vocal inflections etc.) I think the same is true about marriage and attitude. I think about 7% of what happens in your marriage is due to circumstances in your marriage (loss of job, loss of a loved one etc.). I think 93% of the success of your marriage is your attitude. I will give a personal example. My husband does not like to go out a lot; he is a home body. My friends used to say doesn't that bother you that he does not like to go out, I said "no, it is nice to come home and have my husband waiting for me." If I chose (and it is a choice) to focus on the fact that I went to many functions by myself then that would have been an issue in our marriage. I chose to focus on the good.
3. Focus on your husband's good qualities. Yes even when you look at him and go yuck he still does have good qualities. Is he a good provider, does he take out the trash, does he help with the kids, does he mow the lawn, is he faithful???? Do not focus on the fact that you are tired of his fart jokes, the fact that he is always late, he leaves his clothes on the floor even if you have asked him nicely 9 million times. If you focus on his good qualities then it will help some of the yuck go away and start bringing some of the feelings of love back again. Do not bad mouth him to others. Aunt Judy used to say when you are at work even if your marriage is miserable tell everyone your marriage is great. Men like to look for a woman who is in an unhappy marriage.
4. Understand your husband is a man. Men do not think like women. I read a great book called "Sacred Influence" and it explained how men think. I laughed when I read it. God does have a sense of humor. Men process things differently than women do. You may tell your husband something and expect an immediate response, but most men take a good 24 hours to process what you have said. Another example how men do not think the same way women do; I always told people my husband loved and supported me with our 2 sons; he used to tell the boys do what your mom says I want her happy. One day I was telling someone about it in front of him and he looked at me and laughed; he said he only told the boys that because he did not want to have to be bothered and if they made me mad then he would have to get involved. Men do not in any way shape or form think like women!!!!!
5. Do not try to change or control your husband. Bring him before God everyday because he is the head of your household and if he fails some of it falls on your shoulders for not bringing him before God in prayer. Let God be in control of your husband not you. You can influence your husband which is Biblical, but you are not to try to control or change him. If there is a concern that I have with my husband I try to bring it before the Lord in prayer before I address it with my husband.
These are just a few thing to think about before you get a divorce. I will tell you if you stick with it and work through the yucks, the rewards will be great. I love my husband now more than I ever have. We share a unique history that no one else has. We love our children. Going to Ryan's wedding was a great joy for us, one in which we uniquely shared. As we get older and will again become more dependent on each other it will be nice to share it with someone whom I have a shared history and has stuck with me through thick and thin.
Proverbs 31:10-12 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Do you really love your child?
One of the first phone conversations I had with my Aunt Judy soon after our first child was born was something like this; "Cindy I am so excited for you and your baby!!" "Thank you Aunt Judy." "Do you love Ryan?" "Of course I do!" I thought that was a dumb question for her to ask me. "Do you want other people to love Ryan?" Another dumb question. "Of course I do." "Then make him mind. People don't like bratty kids who are not their own." From my own personal experience I knew she was right.
I have observed that many parents do not take the responsibility to make their children mind. They expect other people to make the child mind or expect the child to magically mind on their own. By my Aunt Judy telling me that if I truly love my child I will make him mind she was putting the responsibility right where it belonged and that was in my lap.
Making children mind is work. It does not magically happen and just because they mind one day does not mean they will mind the next day. Again my Aunt Judy told me don't tell your child no unless you are willing to reinforce the no. She told me if you are too tired to get up off the couch to correct your child, then just don't tell them no. I took her advice. I knew telling our children no meant that I may have to follow up with consequences. The funny thing is I only had to follow up a few times and then when I said no they knew if they did not do as I said there would be consequences. I did not mind taking our children with me everywhere, why?? because they minded.
Yes I truly do love our 2 sons and thank you Aunt Judy for telling me what to do so others would love them too.
Proverbs 20:11 "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."
I have observed that many parents do not take the responsibility to make their children mind. They expect other people to make the child mind or expect the child to magically mind on their own. By my Aunt Judy telling me that if I truly love my child I will make him mind she was putting the responsibility right where it belonged and that was in my lap.
Making children mind is work. It does not magically happen and just because they mind one day does not mean they will mind the next day. Again my Aunt Judy told me don't tell your child no unless you are willing to reinforce the no. She told me if you are too tired to get up off the couch to correct your child, then just don't tell them no. I took her advice. I knew telling our children no meant that I may have to follow up with consequences. The funny thing is I only had to follow up a few times and then when I said no they knew if they did not do as I said there would be consequences. I did not mind taking our children with me everywhere, why?? because they minded.
Yes I truly do love our 2 sons and thank you Aunt Judy for telling me what to do so others would love them too.
Proverbs 20:11 "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Aunt Judy
Hi my name is Cindy I have been married to my one and only husband for over 29 years. We raised 2 sons who are grown and seem to have their act together. I work in a Christian preschool and I am a 5th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.
My favoritest job ever was being a mom. Working in a Christian preschool I have noticed how many parents are really trying to figure out the whole parenting thing. When I was raising my children if I had a question or problem I would call my Aunt Judy. She gave me great insight and advice that I would love to pass along to others. Aunt Judy is a Christian and so am I so my blogs will reflect this.
My hope is this blog will encourage young families.
My favoritest job ever was being a mom. Working in a Christian preschool I have noticed how many parents are really trying to figure out the whole parenting thing. When I was raising my children if I had a question or problem I would call my Aunt Judy. She gave me great insight and advice that I would love to pass along to others. Aunt Judy is a Christian and so am I so my blogs will reflect this.
My hope is this blog will encourage young families.
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