Respect

My Aunt Judy told me one time that I should discipline our sons when they misbehaved for me.  She told me it would lay the grounds for respect especially when they become teenagers.  I knew she was right (again).

I was blessed and fortunate to be able to stay at home with our two sons.  I was also the main disciplinarian because I was with the boys most of the time.  My husband's role was more back up then anything else.  When the boys did anything wrong at home they knew they had to answer to me.  For the really serious offenses they got in trouble from me and then had to wait and wait and wait til their Dad got home and then they would have to tell him what they did.  I remember Ryan coming out of his room every so often (he was the spokesman for the boys) and asking in a scared voice "Is Dad home yet?"  I would answer "No but when he gets home you two have to tell him what you did."

I did spank our sons.  Yes Aunt Judy supported this.  Aunt Judy also gave some pointers about spanking.  I used a wooden spoon and not my hand.  I did not want our sons to be afraid of my hand, but I did want them to have a healthy fear if they did not listen to what I told them.  They also got 3 swats for an offense.  I made sure they knew the rules before they ever got spanked for breaking them.  When they wore diapers they would get swats on their upper legs and not the diaper.  I also never spanked when I was angry.  I did it for their protection, but what I found was it scared them more to have to wait for their spanking.  Again I remember the spokesman Ryan calling down the stairs "Mom are you done being mad yet?"  I yelled "NO not yet." 

Spanking in the right context is quick, easy and to the point.  I would tell them "no" they would test their boundaries and I would give them a spanking.  Aunt Judy also told me to spank and let them cry, make them walk away.  When they would calm down and quit crying I would call them back over to me and talk to them about what they had done and why I spanked them.  When I was done talking to them I would hug them tell them I love them and off they would play.  The time it would take me to spank,for them to cry and for us to reconcile was less than 5 minutes.  It was great they would walk away happy and we could continue on with the day.

The reason I did this blog is because a friend of mine was telling me about how he had to kick out their teenage son because he would not go by his wife's rules (second marriage).  It made me wonder if she disciplined (spanked) him when he was young so that respect would be instilled in him when he was a teenager. 

My mom was a single parent over night.  Us kids never had a doubt in our mind that she would discpline us, she never waited til our Dad got home.  It is a good thing for her because my Dad died suddenly and she was left with a 6, 10 and 13 year old.  If she depended on our Dad she would have had a bigger mess on her hands. 

My husband and I always disciplined our sons as a team.  I had to keep my mouth shut sometimes because I thought he was too hard on them, but my Mom and my Aunt Judy always told me to keep a united front even if you don't agree.  Wait until the kids are in bed and discuss it quietly.  In the end the husband wins. I am old enough to have observed some friends who would go behind their husbands backs and ease the discipline set before the children.  The results of the mom going against what dad said is a child who knows how to divide and conquer.  Teenagers know all to well how to divide and conquer. 

In the end it is the Biblical principle of reaping and sowing.  What you sow with your young children you will reap as they become teenagers.  What are you sowing??

Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived:  God cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows.