Winners and Losers

When I was teaching Tiny Tigers (tae kwon do for 4 - 6 year olds) in Iowa I had one little boy who hated to lose.  He would get very angry, lie, cheat and cry if he thought he was losing; even in a 'friendly' game of tag.  I was talking to my Aunt Judy about it because I just did not know how to deal with him.  She told me to tell him to look how happy he made the winners.  I again thought my Aunt Judy was crazy, but at the same time it was true.  At the next Tiny Tigers class the little boy began to get angry because he was losing; I told him "see you are making the other children happy by letting them win."  He looked at me like I was crazy, but I kept up with the theme that he had made someone else happy.  He was not happy about losing but it did take the edge off of losing for him and I did not have the behavioral issues with him that I had before.

I do believe in competition.  I think it is a great thing all of the way around.  I think it brings out the best and the worse in people.  I have competed in several tae kwon do tournaments and I have been the winner, loser and judge in many competitions.  Having my Aunt Judy's philosophy has helped me to keep the competition in perspective and helped me not to take myself too seriously.  The competition is not all about winning or losing; it is about rising to the occasion, the building of relationships, making of memories, and learning how to do it better next time. 

Today there is a philosophy that every child should get a trophy for participating and dumbing down winning.  Maybe we have that philosophy now a days because some of our parenting skills aren't what they should be.  We are afraid to tell our child they lost fearing that it will ruin their self esteem instead of saying hey you tried hard lets see if we work harder and maybe next time you will do better.  The other end of it is that winning is everything and the child's self esteem is wrapped up in their trophies.  Learning to be a good sport in winning and losing is becoming a lost art, and one worth finding again.

When we were getting ready to move from Des Moines to Phoenix we had to get rid of almost everything.  Dennis had won several very large trophies in tae kwon do, but there was no room for them.  He took off the plates to the trophies and then he put the trophies out on the curb for the trash.  Someone drove by and saw all of the trophies, stopped and asked if they could have them.  Dennis said sure; and they loaded them up in their car and drove off.  Dennis worked hard to win the trophies, but what he learned competing for those trophies was far more valuable than the plastic and metal that made the trophies.  The people who took the trophies had the plastic and metal, but none of the value of the trophies.

So when you lose that promotion, softball game or chess match just remember you made the winner happy.

Proverbs 24:10 If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength.