I stayed up late one night this last week and was watching a TV show called 'Intervention'. The show is about addicts that are confronted by their families to stop their addictions and get the help they need. The addict is usually unaware that an intervention is about to happen. The family tells the addict the truth about how their addiction is hurting more people than just the addict and is often very emotional. It is used to shock the addict into getting the help that they need.
One of the stories was about a young man named Jimbo. He was addicted to prescription drugs. He would take several more pills than were prescribed and mix them. He said it was the only thing that made him feel good. My thoughts while I was watching this were "Why?". As the show progressed it took a look back into Jimbo's childhood. Jimbo had an awesome mom, she was very involved in her children's lives and Jimbo loved her dearly. Then one day his mom got caught having an affair with Jimbo's Dad's best friend. When the dust had settled his mom moved out to live with the best friend and Dad was devastated. Jimbo spent most of his time comforting and taking care of his Dad.
Less than a year after Jimbo's mom left she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She died within months. Jimbo's comment when talking about his mom was he was better off having her dead. After she died Jimbo went on with his life and got married, bought a house had a good job. He ended up getting an injury playing basketball and was on prescription pain killers and that was the start of his addiction. His sister said he told her that when he took the prescription drugs it was the first time he felt good.
Jimbo ended up losing his job, house and wife. He lives with his Dad and step mom. He even got hit by a train and lost a leg, and he still wants his prescription drugs.
I did not watch the end of the program, my heart was broken. I wonder if his mom would have known what her actions did to her son, if she would have done it to begin with. I am not just blaming the mom, Jimbo chose to not forgive her, and I am sure his Dad fed into his unforgiveness. All the same her simple little selfish choices set in motion devastated lives. Makes one think doesn't it??
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Peer Pressure
I was fortunate and blessed enough to home school our sons until they were in middle school. Home schooling is not for everyone, but I definitely felt the call to do it. I tell people who are thinking about home schooling that if you do it through 4th grade it is great and anything beyond that is icing on the cake. The reason I say that is I think when you home school you give your child a definite sense of who they are and a strong sense of family and it seems to be established by the time they are in 5th grade.
What does home schooling have to do with peer pressure??? I think children who are home schooled are less likely to give in to the wrong type of peer pressure because they have a strong sense of who they are and their family. Instead of being followers they become leaders because they know who they are. Also if a parent takes the time, energy and effort to home school their children, they are going to be involved in that childs life and activities to guide them to the best decisions.
Can only home schooled children with stand negative peer pressure?? No, it is not just home schooled children. I think if a child has a loving and strong family life then they will be less likely to give in to negative peer pressure. In order to have a loving and strong family life parents have to invest time, energy and effort into their children and their family life. Parents who are involved in their children's lives are telling their child that they (the children) are important and that gives the child a strong sense of self worth.
There is a difference between being involved and being a 'hover mother'. Being involved means you are there at the soccer games to encourage your child, a 'hover mother' not only goes to the soccer game, but tries to tell the coach what to do and demands that her child be put in the game. Being involved means sometimes watching your child fail, but being their to help them pick up the pieces; a 'hover mother' will not allow her child to fail.
By being an involved parent, having a strong family and giving your child a strong Biblical self worth can give your child the tools they need to resist negative peer pressure.
Proverbs 14:22 Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.
What does home schooling have to do with peer pressure??? I think children who are home schooled are less likely to give in to the wrong type of peer pressure because they have a strong sense of who they are and their family. Instead of being followers they become leaders because they know who they are. Also if a parent takes the time, energy and effort to home school their children, they are going to be involved in that childs life and activities to guide them to the best decisions.
Can only home schooled children with stand negative peer pressure?? No, it is not just home schooled children. I think if a child has a loving and strong family life then they will be less likely to give in to negative peer pressure. In order to have a loving and strong family life parents have to invest time, energy and effort into their children and their family life. Parents who are involved in their children's lives are telling their child that they (the children) are important and that gives the child a strong sense of self worth.
There is a difference between being involved and being a 'hover mother'. Being involved means you are there at the soccer games to encourage your child, a 'hover mother' not only goes to the soccer game, but tries to tell the coach what to do and demands that her child be put in the game. Being involved means sometimes watching your child fail, but being their to help them pick up the pieces; a 'hover mother' will not allow her child to fail.
By being an involved parent, having a strong family and giving your child a strong Biblical self worth can give your child the tools they need to resist negative peer pressure.
Proverbs 14:22 Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Learning How to Deal With It
I have been subbing at the Preschool I work at for a few weeks. The class I have been subbing in has kept me on my toes, it is 4-5 year olds. In this class are a few children that have health and learning issues that need to be addressed.
If a child has a learning disability, asthma, diabetes or ADD that child needs to learn more about it and in the end learn more about themselves. As a parent if you child has symptoms you need to do your research and find out if your child does have something that needs to be addressed. Many parents don't want to believe that something could be 'wrong' with their child. By not addressing the issue and denying it the parent is not empowering themselves and their child. The more the parent learns and addresses the issues the more they can empower their child how to live and deal with it.
I have some Tae Kwon Do students young and older who have asthma. I instruct them to listen to their bodies. I will try to push them, but in the end they are the only ones who know how far is too far to go with their breathing. At the preschool I will sometimes stop a child with asthma and tell them to take a break when their breathing gets too labored. I tell the child to listen to their body and when their breathing gets like this they just need to take a break. Just because your child has asthma does not mean they can not run and play, but they need to be taught to listen to their body and know when to take a break.
If your child is ADD or ADHD you may need to keep them on a tight schedule, watch what they eat and stay in close contact with their teacher. Explain to your child what and why you do these things and empower your child to learn to succeed.
My cousin's youngest son (in his 20's) has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. His dad had it and his dad died from consequences of it. As soon as her son noticed symptoms of bi-polar he went and got help. The whole family is open about it and he is learning coping skills to live with this disease. He and his family are learning about the disease and what they can do to help him to live a 'normal' life. They chose to deal with it and to help him deal with it too.
Having a child that has 'special needs' hurts, because you don't want anything to be wrong with your child. By accepting the fact that there is something wrong with your child can empower you and your child how to 'deal with it'. You will be teaching your child to be an overcomer and not a victim, that is a powerful gift to give your child.
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
If a child has a learning disability, asthma, diabetes or ADD that child needs to learn more about it and in the end learn more about themselves. As a parent if you child has symptoms you need to do your research and find out if your child does have something that needs to be addressed. Many parents don't want to believe that something could be 'wrong' with their child. By not addressing the issue and denying it the parent is not empowering themselves and their child. The more the parent learns and addresses the issues the more they can empower their child how to live and deal with it.
I have some Tae Kwon Do students young and older who have asthma. I instruct them to listen to their bodies. I will try to push them, but in the end they are the only ones who know how far is too far to go with their breathing. At the preschool I will sometimes stop a child with asthma and tell them to take a break when their breathing gets too labored. I tell the child to listen to their body and when their breathing gets like this they just need to take a break. Just because your child has asthma does not mean they can not run and play, but they need to be taught to listen to their body and know when to take a break.
If your child is ADD or ADHD you may need to keep them on a tight schedule, watch what they eat and stay in close contact with their teacher. Explain to your child what and why you do these things and empower your child to learn to succeed.
My cousin's youngest son (in his 20's) has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. His dad had it and his dad died from consequences of it. As soon as her son noticed symptoms of bi-polar he went and got help. The whole family is open about it and he is learning coping skills to live with this disease. He and his family are learning about the disease and what they can do to help him to live a 'normal' life. They chose to deal with it and to help him deal with it too.
Having a child that has 'special needs' hurts, because you don't want anything to be wrong with your child. By accepting the fact that there is something wrong with your child can empower you and your child how to 'deal with it'. You will be teaching your child to be an overcomer and not a victim, that is a powerful gift to give your child.
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Repentance
There is nothing better in life than having a clear conscience. We all sin, we all make mistkes either intentionally or unintentionally. We can not take back the sin or mistakes, but God does provide a way out and that is confession and repentance.
One thing I have noticed is kids tend to lie when they get caught or about to get caught doing something wrong. I can't say it is just kids who lie, adults are just as guilty of it. Just read the Bible, there are plenty of examples of Bible hero's who have sinned and lied to try to protect themselves. With all of that in mind, I think it is very important to teach your child at a young age confession, repentance and forgiveness.
God does not make you wonder what the rules are, He has made them very clear; as a parent you need to make sure your child knows the rules and the consequences of the rules. If my kids did something wrong, and the rules were not clear I explained the rules to them. Sometimes my kids would pull the "but you never told me", if that happened I gave them the benefit of the doubt then I would look them in the eyes and tell them the rules and make them repeat the rules (they did not like it when I did that).
After the rules are established and your child messes up it is your duty to confront your child. You need to enforce the consequences. Don't let your child argue, they need to do what you say. After the consequences have been enforced talk to your child about what happened. Ask your child why they got "consequences", if they try to argue or say "I don't know" make them sit and not play etc. until they can tell you why. After they tell you what they did you need to talk to them about their behavior and give them alternatives; example if your child pushed their sibling, talk to them about what they could of done instead of pushing their sibling. After you talk to your child give them a hug and tell them you love them and send them on their way.
Don't fall into the trap of the blame game. God wants us to be responsible and do the right thing even if others are doing wrong. If your child tries to blame someone else you need to stop it right away. Your child is responsible for their behavior no matter what someone else did, and they need to learn it at a young age.
There were some days when our children got many spankings. Often times after I spanked them they were up and running around happy as can be. They did not have anger, guilt or low self esteem they had a clear conscience because they confessed, repented and were forgiven.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
One thing I have noticed is kids tend to lie when they get caught or about to get caught doing something wrong. I can't say it is just kids who lie, adults are just as guilty of it. Just read the Bible, there are plenty of examples of Bible hero's who have sinned and lied to try to protect themselves. With all of that in mind, I think it is very important to teach your child at a young age confession, repentance and forgiveness.
God does not make you wonder what the rules are, He has made them very clear; as a parent you need to make sure your child knows the rules and the consequences of the rules. If my kids did something wrong, and the rules were not clear I explained the rules to them. Sometimes my kids would pull the "but you never told me", if that happened I gave them the benefit of the doubt then I would look them in the eyes and tell them the rules and make them repeat the rules (they did not like it when I did that).
After the rules are established and your child messes up it is your duty to confront your child. You need to enforce the consequences. Don't let your child argue, they need to do what you say. After the consequences have been enforced talk to your child about what happened. Ask your child why they got "consequences", if they try to argue or say "I don't know" make them sit and not play etc. until they can tell you why. After they tell you what they did you need to talk to them about their behavior and give them alternatives; example if your child pushed their sibling, talk to them about what they could of done instead of pushing their sibling. After you talk to your child give them a hug and tell them you love them and send them on their way.
Don't fall into the trap of the blame game. God wants us to be responsible and do the right thing even if others are doing wrong. If your child tries to blame someone else you need to stop it right away. Your child is responsible for their behavior no matter what someone else did, and they need to learn it at a young age.
There were some days when our children got many spankings. Often times after I spanked them they were up and running around happy as can be. They did not have anger, guilt or low self esteem they had a clear conscience because they confessed, repented and were forgiven.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Place
I am reading 1 Chronicles. It can be tiresome in some parts because it lists all of these names and duties that David assigned people when he was king. It got me thinking about how God is a God of order and how it applies to adults and children.
Having an assigned duty makes you feel like you are a part of something or a group. Your child needs to feel like a part of the family and should have assigned duties. The assigned duties change as your child grows.
When your child is very young, their assigned duties would be to pick up their toys, get themselves dressed, brush their teeth and clean their room. In general when they are young their first duties are to take care of themselves. As they get older their duties would go from personal responsibility to something that involves the family as a group. The assigned duty could be setting the table, clearing the dishes off of the table, helping bring in groceries etc
.
Sometimes it is easier to do it yourself, but it isn't about your convenience, it is about teaching your child responsibility and having your child feel and be a part of the family. After you teach your child their assigned duties it will make your life easier and give your child a sense of accomplishment and belonging.
When your child gets older you can teach them to do the dishes, take out the trash, sort the laundry etc.. When your child becomes a teenager you still need to have an assigned duty for your child; but if your child is going to school, working and doing extra curricullar activities, you may need to lessen their assigned duties. Aunt Judy told me I should not make our teenagers chores something in which would cause turmoil and make me nag them. So I thought and prayed about it and came to the conclusion the best chore I could get them to do is their own laundry. I showed them how to do their laundry and then I told them what days I did my laundry and the rest was up to them. This was nice because I did not have to nag them and if they did not do their own laundry, they were the ones that got punished for it.
When I was a teenager my mom had me cook dinner and she did the dishes. She hated cooking and I hated doing the dishes. It worked out great for both of us. Make sure your child's assigned duty is something your child will like to do and do it well. It will make it easier on both of you.
God is a God of order. God thought that his people should have a place of belonging and assigned duties; maybe you should for your child too.
Proverbs 18:9 One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.
Having an assigned duty makes you feel like you are a part of something or a group. Your child needs to feel like a part of the family and should have assigned duties. The assigned duties change as your child grows.
When your child is very young, their assigned duties would be to pick up their toys, get themselves dressed, brush their teeth and clean their room. In general when they are young their first duties are to take care of themselves. As they get older their duties would go from personal responsibility to something that involves the family as a group. The assigned duty could be setting the table, clearing the dishes off of the table, helping bring in groceries etc
.
Sometimes it is easier to do it yourself, but it isn't about your convenience, it is about teaching your child responsibility and having your child feel and be a part of the family. After you teach your child their assigned duties it will make your life easier and give your child a sense of accomplishment and belonging.
When your child gets older you can teach them to do the dishes, take out the trash, sort the laundry etc.. When your child becomes a teenager you still need to have an assigned duty for your child; but if your child is going to school, working and doing extra curricullar activities, you may need to lessen their assigned duties. Aunt Judy told me I should not make our teenagers chores something in which would cause turmoil and make me nag them. So I thought and prayed about it and came to the conclusion the best chore I could get them to do is their own laundry. I showed them how to do their laundry and then I told them what days I did my laundry and the rest was up to them. This was nice because I did not have to nag them and if they did not do their own laundry, they were the ones that got punished for it.
When I was a teenager my mom had me cook dinner and she did the dishes. She hated cooking and I hated doing the dishes. It worked out great for both of us. Make sure your child's assigned duty is something your child will like to do and do it well. It will make it easier on both of you.
God is a God of order. God thought that his people should have a place of belonging and assigned duties; maybe you should for your child too.
Proverbs 18:9 One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Child Safety Empowerment
When I was teaching Tiny Tigers (preschool Tae Kwon Do) one of my instructors had two daughters in Tiny Tigers and we had talked about stranger danger. She told me her daughters saw a stranger walking down the street and the girls came running to her scared. The stranger did not talk to the girls or threaten them in any way. The talk we had, made them aware and scared. I did not want scare the children, so I started thinking and praying and realized that I needed to get the information to the children and empower them, not scare them.
The thought of empowering children has snowballed and I use it when I teach Sunday school, preschool and of course Tae Kwon Do. There are several things a parent can do to empower their children.
A great way to empower your child is to inform them. You can talk to your child about what they should do if someone wants to look at or touch their private parts. Explain to your child that it is ok to tell an adult 'no' if the adult wants to do something wrong. Have them practice with you by role playing. Tell your child that you want to know if anyone ever tries to see or touch their private parts. Your child needs to know that they will not get in trouble if they do tell you.
Your child's voice may save their life some day. When I taught Tiny Tigers I always had the kids practice yelling. There is a difference between yelling and screaming. Yelling comes from the diaphragm and screaming comes from the throat and hurts. Just like you can train your muscles by working out, so can you train your childs voice. Your child can kick and bite and punch, but in the end it will be more likely they will get saved by using their voice and the right words. I think the best word to use is 'Stranger!'. As an adult if I saw a child kicking and screaming I would think it was an unruly child; if I heard a child yell 'Stranger!' I would be following the child with my cell phone in hand and start investigating.
Teach your child who a stranger is. Your neighbor may be an acquaintance which equals a stranger. Your child may not understand that just because you say 'hi' to your neighbor does not mean that they are not a stranger. Your need to let your child know that they can not go to someones house unless you say it is ok. Explain to your child that God has put you in charge of keeping them safe, so they need to check with you first. Sometimes 'stranger' has fuzzy lines and you need to let your child know who is a stranger and who is safe.
Empower your child by teaching them the best choice of stranger to use if they need help. It does happen sometimes that a child may need help from a stranger. Don't make your child afraid of strangers, empower them to make the right choices. From the best choice on down; Mom with children, grandma, worker, someone in a uniform. These may surprise you, but they really are the best choices. Most predators are males, so you want to give your child the choice of strangers that eliminate males.
A mom with children is a very safe choice. The motherly instinct will kick in and the mom will more than likely make sure your child is safe. A grandma is usually just an older mom and the same motherly instincts would kick in. If someone is working they are less likely to be a predator, so they would be a safe choice. The last good choice is someone in uniform. Someone in uniform could be the UPS man or a police officer. I have nothing against a child going to a police officer but there are a few things to think about; a child and even some adults can not tell the difference between a security guard and a police officer and it is unlikely a police officer will be near by when your child needs help. Security guards do not have the best reputation; Ted Bundy and Son of Sam were both security guards, and sometimes predators want to be security guards because children will trust them because they are wearing a uniform.
Practice those four choices with your children and make sure they know to go to the best choice first. I used to quiz the Tiny Tigers, if they needed the help of a stranger and saw a mom with children and someone in uniform, who should they go to?? The mom with children is the correct answer.
The last point of empowerment for this blog is; teach your child their phone number, address and your name (not mom). A four year old should be able to learn those 3 things. If something ever happens, your child has all of the information they need to get in contact with you.
Deuteronomy 11:19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home an when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
The thought of empowering children has snowballed and I use it when I teach Sunday school, preschool and of course Tae Kwon Do. There are several things a parent can do to empower their children.
A great way to empower your child is to inform them. You can talk to your child about what they should do if someone wants to look at or touch their private parts. Explain to your child that it is ok to tell an adult 'no' if the adult wants to do something wrong. Have them practice with you by role playing. Tell your child that you want to know if anyone ever tries to see or touch their private parts. Your child needs to know that they will not get in trouble if they do tell you.
Your child's voice may save their life some day. When I taught Tiny Tigers I always had the kids practice yelling. There is a difference between yelling and screaming. Yelling comes from the diaphragm and screaming comes from the throat and hurts. Just like you can train your muscles by working out, so can you train your childs voice. Your child can kick and bite and punch, but in the end it will be more likely they will get saved by using their voice and the right words. I think the best word to use is 'Stranger!'. As an adult if I saw a child kicking and screaming I would think it was an unruly child; if I heard a child yell 'Stranger!' I would be following the child with my cell phone in hand and start investigating.
Teach your child who a stranger is. Your neighbor may be an acquaintance which equals a stranger. Your child may not understand that just because you say 'hi' to your neighbor does not mean that they are not a stranger. Your need to let your child know that they can not go to someones house unless you say it is ok. Explain to your child that God has put you in charge of keeping them safe, so they need to check with you first. Sometimes 'stranger' has fuzzy lines and you need to let your child know who is a stranger and who is safe.
Empower your child by teaching them the best choice of stranger to use if they need help. It does happen sometimes that a child may need help from a stranger. Don't make your child afraid of strangers, empower them to make the right choices. From the best choice on down; Mom with children, grandma, worker, someone in a uniform. These may surprise you, but they really are the best choices. Most predators are males, so you want to give your child the choice of strangers that eliminate males.
A mom with children is a very safe choice. The motherly instinct will kick in and the mom will more than likely make sure your child is safe. A grandma is usually just an older mom and the same motherly instincts would kick in. If someone is working they are less likely to be a predator, so they would be a safe choice. The last good choice is someone in uniform. Someone in uniform could be the UPS man or a police officer. I have nothing against a child going to a police officer but there are a few things to think about; a child and even some adults can not tell the difference between a security guard and a police officer and it is unlikely a police officer will be near by when your child needs help. Security guards do not have the best reputation; Ted Bundy and Son of Sam were both security guards, and sometimes predators want to be security guards because children will trust them because they are wearing a uniform.
Practice those four choices with your children and make sure they know to go to the best choice first. I used to quiz the Tiny Tigers, if they needed the help of a stranger and saw a mom with children and someone in uniform, who should they go to?? The mom with children is the correct answer.
The last point of empowerment for this blog is; teach your child their phone number, address and your name (not mom). A four year old should be able to learn those 3 things. If something ever happens, your child has all of the information they need to get in contact with you.
Deuteronomy 11:19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home an when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Child Safety
As a parent I always felt like keeping our children safe was one of my main jobs. When they were little I would make sure nothing dangerous was in their reach. As they got older I would teach them to look both ways before crossing the street, don't talk to strangers and was often heard telling them "Be careful!!". After our sons were grown I realized I missed a major part of keeping them safe. I did not teach them about child predators. Fortunately nothing 'bad' happened to our sons when they were growning up. When I started teaching Tiny Tigers (a preschool tae kwo do class) I did a lot of research on the subject and it really opened my eyes. I am going to share some of what I learned.
First of all trust your instincts. My Aunt Judy told me that. Gavin DeBecker who is an expert in predicting when violence will occur (the psychology of it) agrees with my Aunt Judy. My Aunt Judy told me that there was a youth Pastor at her brother-in-laws church that all of the kids liked, but my Aunt Judy did not like him. He wanted her son to go on an overnight trip with some of the other youth and my Aunt Judy said no. Later it was discovered that he was sexually abusing some of the boys. Aunt Judy trusted her instincts and you need to trust your instincts too.
The second thing and just as important is summed up in three words; communication, communication and communication. You need to be able to talk to your children and they should be able to talk to you about anything. Listen to what they say and ask questions in a non provoking or panicky way. If a child is being sexually abused they usually feel bad or guilty and the person who sexually abused the child usually threatens them or scares them in some way. You need to be open and honest when your children ask questions about their bodies, your body or about where babies come from (how detailed depends on the age and the situation).
Listening to your child's fears is very important. Why don't they like to go to Uncle Harry's house?? Why will they hug everyone except your neighbor. If your child does not want to hug or kiss someone do not force them; give them the right to say no. If your child does not want to hug or kiss grandma and grandpa teach them to say no, but still have manners.
One of my Tiny Tiger's instructors daughter went to a friends house overnight. She was about 8 years old. The brother of the little girl she spent the night with made her lift up her shirt. When the daughter got home she was talking to her mom and her mom was listening to her and she heard what her daughter said.. The mom asked more questions (not in a panicky way) and then she called the parents of the boy. The parents did nothing, but the little girl was allowed to come over to the daughters house, but she was not allowed to go to the little girls house. Listening is very important.
This is going to be more than one blog because there is too much information to share for just one blog. Those 3 things are a good start; listen to your instincts, communication and listening to your child. They all sound very basic, but they are extremely important in your child's safety.
Proverbs 28:4 Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law resist them.
First of all trust your instincts. My Aunt Judy told me that. Gavin DeBecker who is an expert in predicting when violence will occur (the psychology of it) agrees with my Aunt Judy. My Aunt Judy told me that there was a youth Pastor at her brother-in-laws church that all of the kids liked, but my Aunt Judy did not like him. He wanted her son to go on an overnight trip with some of the other youth and my Aunt Judy said no. Later it was discovered that he was sexually abusing some of the boys. Aunt Judy trusted her instincts and you need to trust your instincts too.
The second thing and just as important is summed up in three words; communication, communication and communication. You need to be able to talk to your children and they should be able to talk to you about anything. Listen to what they say and ask questions in a non provoking or panicky way. If a child is being sexually abused they usually feel bad or guilty and the person who sexually abused the child usually threatens them or scares them in some way. You need to be open and honest when your children ask questions about their bodies, your body or about where babies come from (how detailed depends on the age and the situation).
Listening to your child's fears is very important. Why don't they like to go to Uncle Harry's house?? Why will they hug everyone except your neighbor. If your child does not want to hug or kiss someone do not force them; give them the right to say no. If your child does not want to hug or kiss grandma and grandpa teach them to say no, but still have manners.
One of my Tiny Tiger's instructors daughter went to a friends house overnight. She was about 8 years old. The brother of the little girl she spent the night with made her lift up her shirt. When the daughter got home she was talking to her mom and her mom was listening to her and she heard what her daughter said.. The mom asked more questions (not in a panicky way) and then she called the parents of the boy. The parents did nothing, but the little girl was allowed to come over to the daughters house, but she was not allowed to go to the little girls house. Listening is very important.
This is going to be more than one blog because there is too much information to share for just one blog. Those 3 things are a good start; listen to your instincts, communication and listening to your child. They all sound very basic, but they are extremely important in your child's safety.
Proverbs 28:4 Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law resist them.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Too Much, Too Little, Just Right
I am a Sunday school teacher, Tae Kwon Do instructor and a substitute preschool teacher and one thing I have observed is that many parents have a hard time teaching commitment to their children. Why do parents have a hard time teaching commitment to their children??? I think it is because parents were not taught commitment themselves. When I say commitment I mean commitment to activities.
As a Sunday school teacher out of probably 11 children there are only about 4 who are there faithfully every Sunday. Why are the other 7 children not there??? Granted people get sick or have to work or something comes up, but more often than not it is because Mom and Dad did not feel like going to church on Sunday. It could also be one of those if there is nothing better to do we can go to church. When our kids were little we went to church because it was Sunday. It is called discipline and commitment. I did not feel like getting the kids ready on Sunday, but I did it anyway because it was the right thing to do. Just as a side note, my husband did not go to church.
I used to teach Tiny Tigers which was a preschool Tae Kwon Do class. Often times parents would bring their kids to class, but be concerned because their child did not want to come. I would explain to the parents once the child gets to class they will have fun and be happy they came. I would explain to the kids and parents sometimes I did not feel like coming, but once I got there I was happy I did. My old Tae Kwon Do instructor used to say, "The hardest exercise in Tae Kwon Do is getting up off the couch and making it to class. Once you are at class it is all down hill from there." There is a lot of truth to that.
The flip side to lack of commitment is over commitment. I had a friend who had 3 sons and they were in every sport available. Her life was chaotic and she was always stressed. We had a rule at our house, Tae Kwon Do and one other sport. Our kids basically just picked Tae Kwon Do and did not choose any other activities. When your kids commit to an activity, you commit to it too. Count the cost and time and sometimes you have to say no or give your child an alternative. If your child is over committed then they will be stressed, not enjoy the activity and won't have the success that could have if they were not over committed.
My Aunt Judy told me that if our kids sign up for an activity they have to complete the activity. I agree with this philosophy. If you sign your child up for soccer and they don't like it after a few weeks, make them understand that they made a commitment and have to finish the season. Sometimes they end up liking it later on and just needed to stick with it. If they did not like the activity and still had to finish it, it teaches them about commitment and makes them good citizens.
It takes commitment by the people coaching and teaching your children. If you do not keep up your commitment it is hard on the volunteers, coaches and teachers that are using their valuable time and resources to make a positive impact on your children. If you think something is lacking with the activity your child is in, think about volunteering. Maybe you can be a key in helping your child succeed.
Teaching your children to commit starts with you learning to commit. Why are we going to soccer?? We are going to soccer because it is Tuesday and we made a commitment. Why are we going to church??? Because it is Sunday and that is what we do on Sunday.
Our kids ended up earning a lot of AWANA's awards, 4th degree black belts and were often respected by young and old alike. They learned at a young age that commitment and hard work have their rewards. Could they have earned awards, black belts and respect if they were not taught commitment and hard work??
Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.
As a Sunday school teacher out of probably 11 children there are only about 4 who are there faithfully every Sunday. Why are the other 7 children not there??? Granted people get sick or have to work or something comes up, but more often than not it is because Mom and Dad did not feel like going to church on Sunday. It could also be one of those if there is nothing better to do we can go to church. When our kids were little we went to church because it was Sunday. It is called discipline and commitment. I did not feel like getting the kids ready on Sunday, but I did it anyway because it was the right thing to do. Just as a side note, my husband did not go to church.
I used to teach Tiny Tigers which was a preschool Tae Kwon Do class. Often times parents would bring their kids to class, but be concerned because their child did not want to come. I would explain to the parents once the child gets to class they will have fun and be happy they came. I would explain to the kids and parents sometimes I did not feel like coming, but once I got there I was happy I did. My old Tae Kwon Do instructor used to say, "The hardest exercise in Tae Kwon Do is getting up off the couch and making it to class. Once you are at class it is all down hill from there." There is a lot of truth to that.
The flip side to lack of commitment is over commitment. I had a friend who had 3 sons and they were in every sport available. Her life was chaotic and she was always stressed. We had a rule at our house, Tae Kwon Do and one other sport. Our kids basically just picked Tae Kwon Do and did not choose any other activities. When your kids commit to an activity, you commit to it too. Count the cost and time and sometimes you have to say no or give your child an alternative. If your child is over committed then they will be stressed, not enjoy the activity and won't have the success that could have if they were not over committed.
My Aunt Judy told me that if our kids sign up for an activity they have to complete the activity. I agree with this philosophy. If you sign your child up for soccer and they don't like it after a few weeks, make them understand that they made a commitment and have to finish the season. Sometimes they end up liking it later on and just needed to stick with it. If they did not like the activity and still had to finish it, it teaches them about commitment and makes them good citizens.
It takes commitment by the people coaching and teaching your children. If you do not keep up your commitment it is hard on the volunteers, coaches and teachers that are using their valuable time and resources to make a positive impact on your children. If you think something is lacking with the activity your child is in, think about volunteering. Maybe you can be a key in helping your child succeed.
Teaching your children to commit starts with you learning to commit. Why are we going to soccer?? We are going to soccer because it is Tuesday and we made a commitment. Why are we going to church??? Because it is Sunday and that is what we do on Sunday.
Our kids ended up earning a lot of AWANA's awards, 4th degree black belts and were often respected by young and old alike. They learned at a young age that commitment and hard work have their rewards. Could they have earned awards, black belts and respect if they were not taught commitment and hard work??
Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Reading
One of the greatest joys I had as a mother was reading to our children. I have to credit Aunt Judy for this great joy. When our children were young Aunt Judy asked me if I was reading to them and I said a little, but they did not seem to like it. She explained to me that when I 'read' to the children I don't have to read the words that the author used, I could just point to the pictures and talk about it. When she told me that it opened a whole new world to me and our children.
It was a little difficult for me to be begin with but the more I 'read' the better I got at it. I started using my imagination along with our children as I read them books. When they were very young I would sometimes read the words, but add actions to it as I read; an example would be if the story had a blue flower picture I would read the words, but then we would all smell the blue flower. By me adding my imagination to the books I read it kept our children's interest and gave us precious quality time.
As they grew my reading style would change. When they were getting old enough to recognize letters I would point out words and often times I would read exactly what the author wrote so they would begin to get the connection to start reading.
When they were old enough to read on their own I made sure they had a Bible comic book. I wanted them to see Bible characters as hero's and it also broke it down to their language. Comic's was again my Aunt Judy's idea. I felt blessed to get the Bible comic book.
I would also read to the kids when they ate their lunch. Sometimes kids just can not sit long enough to read to, so if they are occupied eating it can give you an opportunity to read to them. They are still 'wiggling' by eating, but you have their attention enough to get a story or two down them.
We would go to the library once a week. I would let the kids pick out some books, and I would get some books that I wanted to read. I even read books on reading books to your children. One of the rules of finding a good children's book to read is that it should be a book that keeps your interest too. Just because a book has won an award or is highly recommended by the world's standards does not mean that it is a good book to read your children. Use your discretion and don't feel bad about it.
As our children grew I would read chapter books to them I read our children The Narnia Chronicles, The Hobbit and Little House on the Prairie series. I would also read to them directly from the Bible. I would often say I am only going to read one chapter, but then one chapter became 2 and 3 chapters.
Reading to our children was a true blessed experience for all of us. It was just us, a book and our imagination. Unplugged quality time to learn and enjoy each other.
Proverbs 10:5 He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.
It was a little difficult for me to be begin with but the more I 'read' the better I got at it. I started using my imagination along with our children as I read them books. When they were very young I would sometimes read the words, but add actions to it as I read; an example would be if the story had a blue flower picture I would read the words, but then we would all smell the blue flower. By me adding my imagination to the books I read it kept our children's interest and gave us precious quality time.
As they grew my reading style would change. When they were getting old enough to recognize letters I would point out words and often times I would read exactly what the author wrote so they would begin to get the connection to start reading.
When they were old enough to read on their own I made sure they had a Bible comic book. I wanted them to see Bible characters as hero's and it also broke it down to their language. Comic's was again my Aunt Judy's idea. I felt blessed to get the Bible comic book.
I would also read to the kids when they ate their lunch. Sometimes kids just can not sit long enough to read to, so if they are occupied eating it can give you an opportunity to read to them. They are still 'wiggling' by eating, but you have their attention enough to get a story or two down them.
We would go to the library once a week. I would let the kids pick out some books, and I would get some books that I wanted to read. I even read books on reading books to your children. One of the rules of finding a good children's book to read is that it should be a book that keeps your interest too. Just because a book has won an award or is highly recommended by the world's standards does not mean that it is a good book to read your children. Use your discretion and don't feel bad about it.
As our children grew I would read chapter books to them I read our children The Narnia Chronicles, The Hobbit and Little House on the Prairie series. I would also read to them directly from the Bible. I would often say I am only going to read one chapter, but then one chapter became 2 and 3 chapters.
Reading to our children was a true blessed experience for all of us. It was just us, a book and our imagination. Unplugged quality time to learn and enjoy each other.
Proverbs 10:5 He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.
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